I know it's been awhile since I've updated, but I just recently got out of jail. John Popper didn't die, but he did press charges and I was given 5 years for intent. I'm out on parole right now, and turning my life around. I've joined up with motivational speaker, Tony Robbins, and together we are one dynamic duo! We spend a few months at a time touring and charging an arm and leg for our appearances and for tickets to our seminars. I'm making some money, which is good, since all my lottery winnings went to lawyers and my court case.

Tony is the world's biggest phony. He's always talking about positive thinking and success, but in the privacy of his hotel rooms, he drinks and watches porno movies. I guess it's not a law that you have to practice what you preach, but I feel like I am dishonest for working with him and selling his ideas to people who idolize him when he's really just a beer-drinking, porno-watching couch potato.

Therefore, I'm writing my letter of resignation. What I'll do for work after this is over, I don't know, but opportunities always seem to present themselves, so I think I'll do just fine... as long as I don't have to go back to that women's prison in Bridgeport. Blech.