Issue Eight April 1998
The Intro
So we aren't exactly on schedule... But, we figure that if we put this one out now and a final
jumbo issue out at the end of May we'll be all right. I've been extraordinarily disheartened lately, both with the paper and with people in general. I don't know if it's the end-of-the-year fervor or if I've just become more sensitive to it, but I've been getting really frustrated with people's obsessions with greed and vengeance. I really hate seeing people waste themselves on such silly motivations. As for the paper, I'd like to think that it's going to survive next year. Recent trends have left me fairly pessimistic though. All I seem to hear lately are criticisms with no answers. Don't get me wrong, criticism can be a good thing. However, nobody ever takes any action to make the paper better; they just cut it down. That makes it really difficult for the others on the staff and I to keep a positive outlook. I wish some people would take it into their own hands and write some well thought-out articles on the issues affecting the students. Next year is not looking bright for this paper. If you believe in it and would like to see it stick around, make some noise: write some articles, get in touch with us so you can help with it next year. Anything is appreciated. To all of you who have helped us already: thanks. To all of you who have thought about working on it: please don't hesitate! Anyone and anything is welcome.
On a more logistical note: Our e-mail address has changed again. Due to a problem with our past mail server, anon.efga.org, we haven't received any mail sent to us for the past 30 days or so. We've switched our address to thelast@oblivion.net. That's how it will stay as long as Oblivion doesn't spontaneously combust or something. So if you mailed us something recently, please mail it to us again. Sorry for any inconvenience. Enjoy the issue!
Gym Class
Let us peruse upon the subject of Gym class. Gym class entails the total of two credits required to graduate from Greenfield High School. If you can't pass Gym class then the Administrative Officers of our school feel that you're not academically prepared for the real world. The standards for the average gym class are so ridiculously below par that if you can't pass you are one of the most pitiful physical specimens inserted into God's green Earth. These standards are what I wish to discuss. As established not everyone is in as good shape as an Olympic athlete, or even a WWF athlete for that matter. There are varying degrees of ability at Greenfield High School. I find that mixing people with high athletic skill and ability with people that have none to be detrimental to both. The skilled find it boring and noncompetitive while the unskilled just get their ass kicked. This school should separate the two for health benefits also. The warm-up lap pushes the physical limits of some students to the brink. While even the most physical and exciting games for some barely push the heart rate to a flutter or others. Though many be tired, the 20 minutes of minor physical activity is barely enough to make one healthy. It is ridiculous to think that 20 min. a day ( or less most days) for 1 semester will create within a teenager the habits for healthy living for the rest of their lives. I propose that Greenfield High School have gym teachers determine skill level and then place students in according gym classes. Varsity athletes should compete against Varsity athletes. Average athletes should compete against average athletes. A person will need to be graduated to an upper level gym class when he begins to dominate his or her classmates. This method would allow all the fucking weed-smoking wheezing bastards to play sports together in the same gym class. They could all then break for cigarettes at the same time allowing them to slowly feed the cancer in their decaying lungs. Of course, if they ever came to class they might do that. Finally, I understand that within coming years, competitive sports will be eliminated from gym curriculum. Such a move would not only invite the class to become an atmosphere comparable to a morgue it would also make attendance problems increasingly common. Eliminating competitive sports will undoubtedly make some happy. It is a shame those people are the Ones that get the shit kicked out of them in gym, the ones who can't run in a straight line, dribble a basketball or strike a volleyball with enough force to get it over the net. If you suck, work your ass off to get better, then you won't be at the bottom of the ladder getting stepped on. Sports are a good thing. Violent and barbaric at times, maybe, but bringing out the skills and traits needed to survive in this pissy, distorted, technologically based piece of trash we call society.
The Leader
Follow me, I know best
Trust my words
BeLIEve in me
Close your eyes and take my hand
My voice will guide you,
Your deaf ears will listen
With power like this, who can turn away?
Become a sheep as I herd you into your own hell
Ignorant souls worship me
Who am I?
I'm inside you, living only in your mind
People
There are certain people which intrigue me.
People which upon first look at outward
appearance seem different and psychotic. These people when you talk to them are appealing. The couple you to spend time with them to learn from and experience them. These intriguing people, you only get to talk with once in a very great while. After your encounter you wish to spend prolonged period of time with them but can't. It seems awkward. Your social circles do not interlock. You have few to zero friends in common. It is not socially unacceptable but preconceived image destroys possibility. Time passes on with hope. Hope that you may even get to know, experience, and enjoy the things in other people. You see their hardship, your repressed compassion surges, yet all is smashed. I only wish some day I will decide that benefits from what is rare and offered to me will serve far better than the socially conformity which I practice.
NHS Interview
The author would like to actually present a fac
tual column. The Last has actually convinced
an NHS member to give us an honest interview. It has for too long what can be considered an unfair portrayal of the NHS. i first brought about the question of the activities required of members. The member didn't agree with the activity requirement. They felt it unfair that they were forced to have three activities, especially when so many of the activities at GHS are athletic. "Our NHS chapter is more about being an athlete." They also felt that next year when the grading scale changes, that the academic criteria for joining won't change. It's often been seen as being a large clique. "It's a very big clique." Our member s felt that at least 25% of the members were only members for the sole purpose of putting on college and scholarship applications. The member also greatly disliked the fact that the NHS takes a lot of shit from people, but that they do a vast amount of hard and community enriching work.
When the member was asked about the leadership of their organization they felt that their elected stoic leader was constantly undermined by his mouthy underlings. Our member interviewed felt that the organization was in a static state, but at least it wasn't in decline. Our member felt that the advisor runs the organization well, but does display favoritism for certain children. Our member also felt important, for it to be heard that, "We are the most active chapter in the state." Which they attribute mostly to the fact that they have many contacts throughout the community, whom can help them out. Also, they would like to let it be known that they donate money to help the school out. i.e. post-prom, teacher's lounge and the play, "Working." Our member would also like to say that The Last is not really discussed or cared about. The, feel that we take out our frustration with a couple of aspects out on the whole organization, but "It's very well written."
Nudity
Clothes are unnecessary. They bother me and
irritate my skin. When it's hot it only makes
us hotter, and when we swim or run they only get in the way. Granted, they cover up our flaws and body imperfections, but let's be reasonable, most clothes these days are ugly anyway. We can still wear shoes to protect our feet, and I guess underwear for our bottoms, but other than that, who needs 'em! Freedom I say. Boxers and panties and nothing else would make the world a much better place. Don't you think that if you saw a girl walking down the street with nothing covering her chest, it is likely that you would be much nicer to her than to a girl with a sweatshirt on? By all means, I am not promoting nudity, rather I am pointing out the obvious inconvenience of clothing. I think I'll move to a nudie island.
More Hall Cows
I read the previous article about the hall cows. I
found the article to be one of the best non-fiction
articles in The Last. I find it well written and entertaining. I would just like to add my perspective on the whole issue. The main things that make me mad about the hall cows is that they hover around the doors. Recently, I was walking to make class. I was running a little late so I was in a hurry. I was unexpectedly following a hall cow. She saw her friend and they of course stopped to talk. Well they were in the main lobby area and two people blocked two doors. The third and final door was full of people streaming in from the opposite direction. There were people behind me yelling at me. So I did the only respectable and moral thing. I pushed on the door until she realized that I wanted through. Then she said "Oh, sorry!". She should have said "MOO." I think the main problem is that the hall cows don't read the article or don't realize that they are hall cows. In conclusion, I hate it when the cows get mad at me and start yelling. I need to get to the bus to go home but the cows are just standing and filling the whole hallway. To get through I needed to forcefully push my way through. I am not a big person but I manage. Then they yell "Hey! Quit pushing me." I would stop and complain but the bus is leaving. So hopefully some cows read this and decide to get out of the way. So I leave you with this quote, "Moo to the goomba."
Seatbelts
I was watching the students of Greenfield High
School leaving one day after school was done. It
looked like there was a chemical spill and everyone had to evacuate. The cars were driving fast and recklessly. There was music playing. I can't believe that the people drove so fast to get out. Can't they wait a few minutes and drive slower? Then they don't have their seat belts on. If they do get in an accident there will be some likely predictions. First, someone was going fast and not paying attention. Second, their insurance will go up. And finally (and most importantly), someone will get hurt. That person won't be wearing a seat belt and will get bounced around. They will then consequently break an arm, leg, or damage some other important piece of their body. Is it worth it? I ask my friends why they don't wear their belts. They just shrug it off and say that they don't need them. I myself am very well known for having everyone in their belts when I drive. First, it helps to keep my friends Not dead. Next, it covers me if there is an accident. Ask Wade. Wade won't buckle up. Wade is high risk. I saw a cop, a school bus, and a presumed student outside the parking lot last week. I am not sure of who the person is, but I will assume that they are somehow from this school and that they hit the bus. Now he is going to be much later to wherever he was going than if he would have slowed down and paid attention. So buckle up and slow down. It will save time because you won't be in a hospital or a police station filling out the accident report.
Pole
Dropped in a new place
Everything is strange
What to do now?
Run fast and hard
Running fast and hard
Picking things as you go
You feel the tension
As you come close
People everywhere
Don't stop
You have it
Now run harder
Your heart beats faster
You feel the end is near
The goal is in sight
Suddenly, you fall short
It happens so quick
Then it starts over
As you are dropped in a new place
In 5 Minutes
we had an argument
oh, how can that be
I love her, but I know it
why can't she see
in that long hallway
of dreamers and lies
she pushes me back
and again says good-bye
my heart is racing
my hands are too
and down that dark hallway
she vanishes with you.
Football
There was a skinny young boy who loved foot
ball with all his heart. Practice after practice,
he eagerly gave everything he had. But being half the size of the boys, he got absolutely nowhere. At all the games this hopeful athlete sat on the bench and hardly ever played. This teen ager lived alone with his father, and the two of them had a very special relationship . Even though the son was always on the bench, his father was always in the stands cheering. He never missed a game.
This young man was still the smallest of the class when he entered high school. But his father continued to encourage him but also made it very clear that he did not have to play football if he didn't want to. But the young man loved football and decided to hang in there. He was determined to try his best at every practice, and perhaps he'd get to play when he became a senior. All through high school he never missed a practice nor a game but remained a bench-warmer all four years. His faithful father was always in the stands, always with words of encouragement for him.
When the young man went to college, he decided to try out for the football team as a "walk-in." Everyone was sure he could never make the cut, but he did. The coach admitted that he kept him on the roster because he always puts his heart and soul into every practice, and at the same time, provided the other members with the spirit and hustle they badly needed.
The news that he had survived the cut thrilled him so much that he rushed to the nearest phone and called his father. His father shared his excitement and was sent season tickets for all the college games.
This persistent young athlete never missed practice during his four years at college, but he never got to play in a game. It was the end of his senior football season, and as he trotted onto the practice field shortly before the big playoff game, the coach met him with a telegram.
The young man read the telegram and he became deathly silent. Swallowing
hard, he mumbled to the coach, "My father died this morning. Is it all right
if I miss practice today?" The coach put his arm gently around his shoulder
and said, "Take the rest of the week off, son. And don't even plan to come
back to the game on Saturday."
Saturday arrived, and the game was not going well. In the third quarter, when the team was ten points behind, a silent young man quietly slipped into the empty locker room and put on his football gear. As he ran onto the sidelines, the coach and his players were astounded to see their faithful teammate back so soon. "Coach, please let me play. I've just got to play today," said the young man. The coach pretended not to hear him. There was no way he wanted his worst player in this close playoff game. But the young man persisted, and finally feeling sorry for the kid, the coach gave in. "All right," he said, "you can go in."
Before long, the coach, the players and everyone in the stands could not believe their eyes. This little unknown, who had never played before was doing everything right. The opposing team could not stop him. He ran, he passed, blocked, and tackled like a star. His team began to triumph. The score was soon tied. In the closing seconds of the game, this kid intercepted a pass and ran all the way for the winning touchdown.
The fans broke loose. His teammates hoisted him onto their shoulders. Such cheering you never heard. Finally, after the stands had emptied and the team had showered and left the locker room, the coach noticed that this young man was sitting quietly in the corner all alone.
The coach came to him and said, "Kid, I can't believe it. You were fantastic! Tell me what got into you? How did you do it? He looked at the coach, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Well, you knew my Dad died, but did you know that my Dad was blind?" The young man swallowed hard and forced a smile, "Dad came to all my games, but today was the first time he could see me play, and I wanted to show him I could do it!"
Drugs
Drugs are bad. I was talking with a friend. One
of that person's friends came up. It was obvi
ous that she was just smoking in the bathroom. She was feeling the effects. We told her to go away because we didn't want to smell like her. She was to messed up to understand. Maybe she will read this when she is not messed up. First, what is the appeal of drugs? I define drugs as anything illegal to possess at a person's age. This includes alcohol, cigarettes, and other toxic things. I am sure the drugs make the user feel good for a while. But, look at the consequences. 1. You die sooner. 2. It costs a lot of money to keep up the habit. 3. A person is a great friend when they smell like smoke and/ or alcohol and don't realize it. (WOHOO I used sarcasm). 4. It is illegal. Why go to jail? I think the worst part of the problem is that it is idolized by the abusers. There are ignorant to the long term effects. They also don't care about any of the immediate effects. I think some people need to use a little more common sense and open their eyes to the dangers of drugs.
He's Still Dumb
If you have read previous issues, you would have
seen a confusing and unimportant article called
"This Guy is Dumb". This will continue on for a few more editions. So to leave where I left off, he was licking his nickel. Thankfully, he has gotten out of his licking stage. However, he is still dumb. He isn't in class half of the time because he is in in-house. The rest of the time he isn't paying attention in class. He doesn't care about his life or how it is going. I think he will end up doing nothing for the rest of his life. This guy is continually getting dumber. I think one day he will implode because of his lack of brain matter. I am complaining about this because he has wrecked his life for the most part. He will just be in low paying, non-interesting jobs for the rest of his life. This makes me angry because he doesn't seem to care. Whatever, we all need someone to work at McDonald's.
Bondgrrl
It happens every time. I'm at a friend or
acquaintance's house, and the phone rings. It's
a friend of theirs, whom they haven't talked to in ages. What my friend probably intended to have be a brief conversation turns into a marathon catching-up fest. And I turn into a couch fixture. This never happens to me. This is simply because I don't have many friends. Don't get me wrong; I'm a perfectly normal person. I could probably sustain more friendships if I wanted to. Over the years, many people have voiced their opinions on my very small circle of allies. But I wouldn't have it any other way. People will deny it, but every friend has a purpose. Some people have more than one friend for a single purpose, or maybe they just have more purposes. Me, I'm simple. I have a best friend, a party friend, a stroke-my-ego friend (well, I have 2 of those :)), a token female friend, an old, experienced friend, and a career coach friend. Everyone knows what their role is, and it's all good. I see no purpose in having dozens of friends. I would constantly be playing catch-up with all of them. Time-wise, it's just not realistic. And I'm not really a social butterfly to begin with (you can't be if you have a website!). If you're the same way, don't feel obligated to collect phone numbers wherever you go. Don't make more friends than you have time for. Resist societal pressures and do what's right for you.
The Coward
Tonight myself I will deface.
Now and forever I fall from grace.
Tonight the moon looks down and sighs.
Truth be known my love's a lie.
Tonight a flame will loose its light.
I will sever knots too tight.
Tonight intention turn to rot.
Tell her maybe, maybe not.
Faith
This is a true story of something that happened
just a few years ago at USC. There was a pro
fessor of philosophy there who was a deeply committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend the entire semester attempting to prove that God couldn't exist.
His students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable logic. For twenty years, he had taught this class and no one had ever had the courage to go against him. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but no one had ever 'really gone against him' (you'll see what I mean later). Nobody would go against him because he had a reputation. At the end of every semester, on the last day, he would say to his class of 300 students, "If there anyone here who still believes in Jesus, stand up!"
In twenty years, no one had ever stood up. They knew what he was going to do next. He would say, "Because anyone who does believe in God is a fool. If God existed, he could stop this piece of chalk from hitting the ground and breaking. Such a simple task to prove that he is God, and yet he can't do it. And every year, he would drop the chalk onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred pieces. All of the students could do nothing but stop and stare. Most of the students were convinced that God couldn't exist. Certainly, a number of Christians had slipped through, but for 20 years, they had been too afraid to stand up.
Well, a few years ago, there was a freshman who happened to get enrolled in the class. He was a Christian, and had heard the stories about this professor. He had to take the class because it was one of the required classes for his major. He was afraid. But for three months that semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to stand up no matter what the professor said or what the class thought. Nothing they said or did could ever shatter his faith, he hoped.
Finally the day came. The professor said, "If there is anyone here who still believes in God, stand up!" The professor and the class of 300 people looked at him, shocked, as he stood up at the back of the classroom. The professor shouted, "You FOOL!! If God existed, he could keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hit the ground!"
He proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did, it slipped out of his fingers, off his shirt cuff, onto the pleats of his pants, down his leg, and off his shoe. As it hit the ground, it simply rolled away, unbroken. The professor's jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk. He looked up at the young man and then ran out of the lecture hall.
The young man who had stood up proceeded to walk to the front of the room and share his faith in Jesus for the next half hour. Three-hundred students stayed and listened as he told of God's love for them and of his power through Jesus.
"Yet to all who received HIM, to those who believed in HIS name, HE gave the right to become children of God--children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of GOD."
"But HE knows the way that I take.
When HE has tested me, I will come forth as gold."
Job 23:10
Judgement Day
Through muddy tunnels they scramble to escape
the rising water. Blindly they move in the only
safe direction. Gasping for air they reach the surface only to discover that the terror has only begun. They are forced from their sanctuary underground onto a raging battlefield. The vile stench of wet death sickens them; out they move on, knowing that on the surface they are defenseless.
Often they pass the corpses of the mangled and drowned. These are the lucky ones, for the rains have now ceased and the clouds have passed on. Those who remain are now stranded under a hot unforgiving sun. Here, as they lie dying of thirst, winged creatures seize them and take them up to the sky.
The rains bring life to the earth, nurturing many plants and animals, BUT to the worms the rains bring with them Judgement Day.
The Crazy Lady
CRAZY LADY, walking around with a pear
strapped on her head. Though I still greet
her with a smile and courtsey like a proper girl. I have tried to ignore the pear as the woman talks of field mice running in and out of her bedroom at night, stealing her diamonds and rubies. And I know she's crazy but I haven't the heart to tell her. She who wears this pear strapped to her ear. I wonder if she drills a hole through, so she may hear better. I doubt it, and continue on, agreeing with her that the bag boys at the local grocery are out to get her and help her conduct a "safety" plan. The sorrow I feel for this old, old lady clouds my better judgement, and I listen to her for hours. I wonder how she could still be alive when her cat sneaks up behind her with a frying pan to smack her on her head continuously. I haven't noticed any lumps or bruises. Not once. It seems she now waits for me to return from school and I always greet her oh so politely. She has now taken to pointing to her cheek as if she was my grandmother and I were to kiss her. So I do for fear she may feel hurt. Such a sweet old crazy lady with a pear strapped on her head. I figure she must pick a new pear and dispose of the other since it always seems so fresh. She always smells of fresh pears too, except the day she carries her little plastic bag of cow dung she has kept as a souvenir from her trip to Iowa when she was 12. Its her good luck she says and I don't argue. Who could? I have began to look up to her, this crazy lady, for who else braves life as she? I walk around with a clean white dress and stockings sprayed with starch and I now envy her. Everyday she awaits my arrival and I talk to her. I understand how she feels when she enters the produce department at the store and the lettuce reaches out to strangle her. Perhaps one day I will ask her why she wears this pear, and then I may understand why I have started to wear mine.
Bondgrrl II
I am nothing but a machine on the landscapes, noth
ing but concrete jungles everywhere I look, noth
ing but blank stares, nothing... But nothing is something... Nothing is the man who forgets to call, nothing is the way people really don't give a shit, the way they ask you how you're doing with burden in their voices and they really don't give a shit if today is the best damn day of your life, or if you're on the verge of suicide, but you just can't seem to find your gun. Nothing is in the stares of people who wonder why I don't think and therefore act like they do and look at me as if to ask "Why do you see beauty in a nose ring, in vintage dresses, in combat boots, in yourself, in Roadrunner cartoons?" But I also feel a strange desire to conform when I meet with these stares. I smile at them as if to apologize for my individuality and after it's all over I wonder exactly what I was thinking. I want to spit right in their faces, make them despise me even more. It makes me sometimes want to pierce a few more holes in my body, and theirs is the hateful stare that will be my anesthesia when I plunge one more needle into my skin.
My Call
my call, my call, my beckoning call
please don't let me, don't let me fall
lift me up from that oppressing drift
that just swayed by on a sunday swift
the unspoken truth has left me no link
and my triumph will soon undoubtedly sink
the moment you will call me
if ever in this world
I will shine even brighter
than you thought I ever could
Big Guy
I gave you a home
A place to smile
It was your decision
To be vile
I tried to give you love
Don't blame it on me
It was your decision
To reject me
-To the big guy
Whore-o-Scopes
ARIES (March 21-April 19):
One can not deny the existence of a higher life-form, especially you
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
The grass is always greener on the other side, so hold my pipe while I go get the ladder.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
This month have faith in your abilities, steal that car.
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
This one's for the ladies: you will find out who's on the staff of "The Last" and have sex with them all. (except the girls, they have demonstrated some distaste for this idea.)
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
Biting just moistens and inflames the area around the penetrated surface, sometimes making it even harder to get out.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
Which is worse, your parents finding the dry Playboy under your bed or all the slimy popular mechanics?
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Put your hands up on your hips, when I dip you dip we dip.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
You will do what we say no matter what anyone ever tells you, even if they say what we just said. We are your god.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Get drunk and prosper.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Do not disturb without proper training and equipment.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Take heroin and write articles for issue 9.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
Shut the fuck up, bitch.
Pain
Pain became my friend today
She showed me how to hide
She'd been watching from a distance
Every tear i cried
Pain became my friend today
She reached out her hand to me
And pulled me into darkness
And introduced me to misery
Pain became my friend today
Emptying my heart
Staying as my constant companion
Tearing me apart
Pain became my friend today
She isolated my soul
Without her i am nothing
In her i console
Pain became my friend today
When she saw me kneel down & cry
She'd lie down right beside me
and kissed my joy good-bye
Pain became my friend today
and introduced me to sorrow
She showed me how to dwell in agony
She showed me how to hide till tomorrow
This Place Sucks! - By a High School Dropout
America screwed me ovur and I am pissed. My
education was weak. Everyone taught me good
tings. I just didn't use dem. then the fast fud store clozed and i lost my mony. My ma and pa are in det. If i was powrful I would haVe money. I could have druggs and SEXX all de tiem. But then I would luse all my money in sume games, lik blakjak and poke her. Then i would bE poor. Damn It!! I em screwed agan.
Unwanted Guest
to an unwanted guest
i do say who goes there?
tell me why you are here
what is it that you want
this house does not take kindly to strangers
dare you intrude, you sir I'm sure this house you
will haunt
so keep you distance sir i warn you
for the sake of your own good
leave this place & don't look back
keep far away for good
