The Intro
Hey! Where is everybody? Everyone's been so unresponsive. We need material. We know that you sit in class and draw cool little pictures or write crazy stuff. Mail it to us. You have no excuse now; we have a snail mail address. We're also still looking for people to take over the paper. Nobody has inquired about it and we'd hate to see it die. We're going to try and move to a more regular schedule of putting these out. Look for an issue near the end of every month. Thanks to everybody who makes this possible. Enjoy it!

GHS Cafeteria to be Made Into Nature Preserve
In a late breaking announcement on Tuesday, the World Wildlife Confederation announced that it plans to turn the cafeteria at Greenfield High School into a preserve for Rhesus Monkies. After hours of exhaustive observation, the WWC declared the GHS cafeteria an ideal site for the preserve. They found the cafeteria very similar in environment and social structure to the Rhesus Monkey's natural environment. The WWC hopes to be able to study the Rhesus Monkies in an environment similar to their own, but closer to home. As one member of the WWC said, "Basically, we are too poor and lazy to go to whatever God forsaken country these animals come from. So, we said 'HEY! Bring the monkies to us!'" It is expected that most likely no one will even notice that the cafeteria has even become a nature preserve. Scientists even hope that the students may form long lasting friendships with the monkies. Students may even wish to bring the monkies to class, and show them the bounty which GHS has to offer. One foreseen problem is a slight increase in occurences of fecal matter being thrown across the cafeteria.


An Inquest Into the Plausibility of Totalitarianism (Do What I Say...Bitch!)
This is a useless oratory on why I feel the urge to beat the piss out of many people during the course of a school day. People like . . . Oh, I can't mention names for fear of getting my fat ass tossed out the doors of the school for slanderous thinking. Therefore proving my first point. If I was in charge I'd say whatever I want. I would call people pansies, idiots and wienies for no earthly reason. I would say I'm bigger than you and I want you to stick the fire extinguisher hose up your ass and discharge. They would have to do it or I'd stick a searing poker in their crotch. The main reason I need to kill people is because they disagree with me. It is likely that one person with whom I'm in total agreement one day will have the same opinion and completely piss me off the next. I want to convey to people they are retarded yet they do not hear me. If I ruled they would hear. In reference to the plausibility of my wacky self becoming the totalitarian ruler of this school: impossible. No one would allow me to have a hall pass for fear I would abuse it. To give me power is to brand yourself a fool. To give me power is to release insanity upon the earth!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Black...White? Never Gray!
I'm sitting in my black chair eating cookies with black chocolate chips and white frosting stripes. The crumbs are falling on my white T-shirt and black pants, and my black leather shoes are turning my white socks black. I'm the conductor of a white train running on black rails going around and around in circles. On my right is a black woman smoking a cigarette and on my left a white man eating an apple. The children line up to buy a white ticket for the train using black money. Then they line up again and wait for the train to stop. A white clock tower lies behind me with black handles and white trees along with white leaves falling on black dirt. A whistle blows and white smoke can be seen rising in the air. The cheers of children fill the air. As the train stops, I open the doors and children walk out quietly, and I lead them to the exit and to the unknown. I hurry back to the line of children holding tickets. There are black boys and girls and white girls and boys, all lined up and hoping to ride the train. I open the gates and the children hand me their tickets. The white children leave no marks on their tickets, so they are allowed to ride the train. However, the black children infest the tickets with their blackness, staining the ticket. These are the children that are not allowed to ride the train. These black children are sinners and their ticket is lost, they must leave. The white children pass the black women and turn their heads away. When they pass the white men they smile. The train is filled with very few white children, and son many black children are turned away. I yell out "all aboard", and the train pulls out again. And again the process occurs, the black children run out into the world trying to make black money as pure as possible. A few turn white in this process and return again. A few who were white turn black. Still more return black. My heart used to break every time I had to sell a ticket to a black child because I know that child wouldn't be able to ride. I can see the white ticket darkening in their hands even before they reach the end of the line. The whistle blows, the smoke rises, the children cheer. But I know already the pain, the suffering in their eyes when I have to say "I'm sorry...you're too...black." The child stares at me with watery eyes saying "I tried so hard to ride the train...I'm not completely black, I'm just gray. Please let me ride, please!"...it's sad, they beg and cry and kick, but it's ironic...it's their fault they became so black. There is no gray, there is no in between. They are white or black, but NEVER gray. So the children come and go and grow older, and soon are too old to ride. But it's the black that makes us age. It's the black that corrupts and destroys. Please ride my train, it doesn't cost too much...you just have to be white, not black, and never gray. If you don't understand this, please reread it...I'm not racist, I'm just black and trying to make others white. The Conductor

Advanced Physics?
This article provided a real inner conflict for me. I had to make sure that I wasn't just bitching about a class because I didn't like it. This article is more than that. I truly believe that the way this class is run is wrong. I came into the class excited to learn a semester-full of advanced physics. What I got, was something else.

I found myself doing various projects. We spent an inordinate amount of time building kites. The pattern of an average day would be some of us sitting around in the classroom, and others sitting around outside, practicing to fly kites. There were no measurements or calculations like you would expect in a physics lab. It was much more an excercise in sewing than advanced physics. We built hot-air ballons also. They were formed by cutting and pasting tissue paper. Again, there were no measurements or calculations. The only thing they illustrated to me was that hot air rises. Between those two projects, first quarter was nearly absorbed. We had our first test very near to the end of the quarter.

Moving into second quarter, we did some work with relativity. I was very excited and interested in this, but it was quite short lived. So, of course, next came another project. We were to teach a basic physics lesson to some grade schoolers at Edgewood. We were required to visit and talk with them for at least an hour and a half before we could begin our lesson. Our grade on this would be determined by an evaluation on how well we taught them and a major paper that we would write about the experience. The paper served as our final exam, as long as it was finished, we didn't have to come to the exam period.

With the teaching project, along with repeating some labs we did in regular physics, second quarter drifted away. The semester was gone. Many students were very happy with how the course was run. I mean, they didn't have to get excellent grades on their tests, the projects were worth so many points. They also got to sit around and pretend they were working on projects most of the time. Many students openly admitted that the class was off subject. They didn't care, it was easy.

I really did care though. I wanted to learn advanced physics. The most tragic thing is that it could be so well done. The teacher is quite capable of teaching advanced physics. If only she would do it.

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Whore-o-Scope ARIES (March 21-April 19):
It's time you let go of your inhibitions, and embrace your God given skills as a professional streaker.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
You exhibit every undesirable human trait. You are considered the lowest form of humanity, but it all will change once you bring upon the world your vengeance.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
Your life is headed in a downward spiral of despair. The only way you'll be able to get out of it will be to increase your self-esteem, but you'll never be able to do that you worthless, ugly son of a bitch.

CANCER (June 21-July 22):
Your significant other will get rid of your ugly self. Ha ha!

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
You are a really special person that's why you should charge at least $20.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
Stay away from very authoritative looking lesbians. Protect yourself from all unnecessary contact, the stars see nothing promising for you in these rendezvous.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Watch out for the large man in the red suit that follows you. He is not there to GIVE the FREE gift HAND-outs to people, if you get my drift.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
Your personality will not impress that special person in your life, but your money will.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
You will be asked to be generous this holiday season. So give it up baby!

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Avoid the occult for the next two weeks, especially considering your striking resemblance to a goat.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
No new knowledge will be beneficial for you to gain this week, so LET'S GET WASTED!

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
The stars see for you a satisfying and oh what the hell I'm tired and don't feel like writing this anymore so Pisces can go to hell. Take that as foreshadowing.

Mirrors

Looking at a mirror
I see only one face
When I look at the world
I see only one race
I see humanity
The race of you and me
We must look in our heart
From hatred we must part
Put your anger aside
Give out a helping hand
Now then, and only then
Will humanity stand
Looking at a mirror
I see only one face
When I look at the world
I see only one race

Love

Love brings only pain
What is there for me to gain
An endless river of sorrow
Longing for only tomorrow
A broken heart at every ring
What joy can love bring
The pleasures remain unknown
While the aching has only grown

Nevertheless, I hold on tight
Holding on with all my might
Keeping it within my heart
Never letting the two part
Through all the sadness and dispair
More than anything can compare
I never thought of letting go
But rather wanted the love to grow.

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Happy Holidays?
Merry Christmas no longer! Dr. Kafka has suggested that all displays put up around the school not assign themselves to a specific winter holiday, but have everybody feel included by having everything exclusive to christmas be changed to be omnireligional. Why don't we just go a step further? Why should red and green be the only Christmas colors? I believe that all colors: blue, red, purple, and brown should not be judged by the content of their character but by the color of their pigment. And of course the tree has to be altered, how about we pop a Menorah on the top and a shrine to Buddha underneath? Or perhaps this would be construed as warping several religious traditions at once. I believe that the entire deck in the back of the media center should be devoted to letting everyone's traditions be exercised. The tree would still be there. The Menorah would have its own separate space, but because we don't want anyone to feel inferior, it'll be six feet tall with huge plastic flames. Along with the six foot Buddha, six foot totem pole, and a framed picture of the hale-bop comet. For the athiests we can have a nice undecorated corner where they all can sit and contemplate their iminent deaths. Of course the winter concert will pose a problem, but since most of the songs are public domain, we can always change some of the words. "Rudolf the red nosed riendeer" can be saved just by changing Santa's name to Fat-Guy, and rudolfs to Bob. Think of the possibilities, we can turn this holiday into a non-descript, public-oriented time where nobody feels left out of anything! Like . . . Labor Day!!

--Asbestos made flesh

Scamper

Scamper run Frolic don't lay
Suck your mother's breast
All Work and No Play
makes For tasty Flesh

Sun burned skin
blistered, cracked and hard
really naughty piggies
do not travel Far

The barn is cold tonight

Slender Slender Slender pigs
walk about all bloody
How I want you in my hands
And kill you while I'm cuddling

Baking roasting grouped by heat
Trancending to another level

My clothes his clothes
His blood my blood
The Pig has entered me

His only Friend
her hay bail
His only enemy
pants

My bed is made For you dear piggy
nibble at my supple toes

My Soul oF pork was eaten raw
by the wolFish whore I Love

Oink and Groan
He is Coming

Lambs of God
Secumb to the pig
burn in Hell
For your poor planning

My Skin Fools the world
Bad Pigs kill with hands

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Ask Bondgrrl

The relationship didn't work, but can we still party together?

Dear Bondgrrl,

     I had a horrendous relationship and I survived. Tonight I went out, saw the ex and had a nice chit chat with her... so do I let her back in? Or do I pursue this conversational thread, jetting down roads we explored before but failed on? Unfortunately I have to deal with her, no matter what. It's a small scene that we both run in, so for better or for worse, we will have to deal with each other. I still want her to be a friend, but there's no way I can deal with her as a friend. Advice? Hell yes, I'd love some!
JV

     I think we've all been in this situation at some point, and some of us fared well, others didn't. You have some feasible options:
     You could ignore her. Yes, you hang out in the same circle. I hang out in the same circle as quite a few of my former flames (and infernos for that matter), and find that ignoring them is very easy! And apparently they think so too.
     You could try to continue chit-chatting with her. It depends how deep those wounds are, and if they've healed yet. If there's any sort of unfinished business, it's gonna surface, guaranteed. If you both have moved on, you both can party it up. I speak from experience on this one!
     And if you do have unfinished business, take care of it ASAP. Just get it out of the way. It can't be avoided. And besides, preoccupied folks are no fun. Spare your other friends. If you two are brooding over anything, it's just gonna either break up your circle of friends or get you two frozen out. Your friends don't want to get involved in an ex-war, and you can't blame them.

Bondgrrl

Always the friend, never the lover

Dear Bondgrrl,

     I`m one of those guys who`s always just the friend and nothing more than the friend, no matter what I say or do. Up until now this never bothered me.
K, 15

Since you've been "the friend," that's a good indication that girls think you're a nice guy. So, you've got one thing going for you already. Now, being a nice guy alone doesn't cut it, so let's review the other paramount qualities needed for the typical girl to want to go out with you: Looks. Now a lot of this is genetics, which is beyond your control, but there are other things you can control. Do you bathe on a regular basis? Are your clothes clean, neat, stylish? Do they match? Do you own more than 3 shirts? If you answered yes to these questions, then you should be OK in this area. Now the gray area: Miscellaneous. This would include mutual attraction, chemistry, compatible schedules, and other very nonspecific things that are much more complicated than having your older sister go to the mall with you and pick out a new wardrobe for you. Basically, these things are out of your control, but are a fact of life. Looking on the bright side... if these factors didn't exist, it would be impossible to narrow down one's playing field to a reasonable number. You'd be going on three dates a nite just to find one you'd want to spend your life with. Now let's say there's a girl who wants to go out with you, but like you said, everyone thinks of you as strictly platonic. You could just ask out one of your female friends, but you run the risk of losing the friendship, and that may or may not be worth it to you. What I would do is wait for a conversation to happen that's related to this and just say, "You know, the only bad thing about having female friends is that it's hard to go from everybody's friend to somebody's girlfriend," or something like that. Don't be overly obvious about it, i.e. don't say it when everyone's making their Superbowl predictions- it'll seem a little to premeditated. Don't worry, eventually you'll have a great relationship with one of the gals. And if you're already their friend, you've already got a head start to earning their trust and affections.

Bondgrrl

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