The Intro
Well, this issue has been extrordinarily delayed. Sorry about that. The truth is that we really need help. We need material. Doesn't anyone have anything to say? We're also looking for people who are interested in working with us and gradually taking over the paper when we graduate. We would really hate to see the paper die when we leave. Working with it has really been a benificial experience for me and I know that the others have enjoyed it also. I think we've made a fairly positive impact here at Greenfield. Unfortunately, the repression of student rights is not a problem that gets solved, rather it is an infinite struggle. Now it's the decision of the people who are stuck here for more years whether they will whine or fight. I hope you choose the latter. Please get in contact with us, we're thankful (tis the season) for any sort of help.
Now to take care of some logistical things: Please note that our e-mail address has changed. It is now thelast@anon.efga.org. We have a P.O Box for the technology impaired! If you want to submit material, you can write us at The Last, P.o box 21898 Milwaukee, WI, 53221-0898. Like always, please copy and distribute this as much as possible. Thanks again to the ACLU for their many efforts.
Enjoy!
Dolls
Life is an interesting situation. I was recently reading a play by Henrik Ibsen entitled "The Doll House" and it occurred to me just how often similar events happen in everyday life. In short, the play is about a woman's self-discovery. By virtue of the play's events, she realizes that her marriage, indeed a large portion of her life has been one continuous game. A constant reverie of tricks and games that evaded reality as if someone were manipulating her as a child would with a doll. The woman, Nora Helmer, finally realizes the blatant waste of her life and sets off from her home in order to gain experiences and knowledge about the world around her, in short to live the life that she had been wasting all those years. I find this play quite intriguing for it parallels reality in such a way that is truly amazing. I wonder about how many people I know who simply drift through life so set in their routine that they are too afraid to step outside the familiar and take a risk, to experience something new. People simply cannot muster the willpower because it is too hard or takes too much time to enjoy. Once the settling of a routine takes place, life ceases to exist. Now it is a video game. Think about the first time you played a video game; wow it was great, all those new things to explore and figure out. Eventually you mastered it right? Why not try a new game then? "No that's too hard, I'm good at this one", you say. So you keep on playing the same video game over and over. That is how life is for many people, and it is quite unfortunate. It is so much more fulfilling for me to try new things rather than stick with the old simply because of fear. For example, I went to a church this weekend for a religion that is not my own. I wanted to experience part of something that I had never done before and it made me think. I can't tell you how to live your lives, nor am I trying to here. Simply go out and explore for yourselves. Break out of the dollhouse and live something new.
Perspective
You can lie to me and I dont have to take it, and I'll lie to myself but it doesn't mean I have to believe me. Because beneath this faded denim cover there's a goddess with a face you'll never see. You don't want to know what you're missing, it'll turn you inside out and the power in my hands isnt enough because I can't find the light to change your point of view when I should be focusing on mine and determining whether or not I'm really worth your time.
I'll make you promises that I can't keep if you do the same for me, because it's not you that I want more than it is a sense of security. And you could be twenty other undeserving people but you happen to be here right now, and I dont even want to hear your voice as much as I only want to see me not down. It's only when I'm awake that I feel it start to grow. And the endless shots from all sides knock me blind. Who? and Why? and How? and When? and the sense of incredulity and shame when I dont know. It drives you to another simply to inquire "pardon me, but that life you have there . . .is it by any chance for sale"? Every day I dance and spin getting closer to the light and when I turn towards you? You simply yawn and cap your pen, and ask " So what else can you do?"
Rachel the Wonder Bread
Lonliness
It's the only disease that no one is immune to. A disease that will never have a cure. A disease that once you have, takes a hell of a good person to neutralize. Lonliness. Everyone is attacked. Once you think it's over, it's not. You've only postponed it with friends.
Friends will pass. It is always there lurking over your shoulder waiting to permeate your body with its weapon of despair. Waiting until your periods of happiness pass, and then surrounds you with emptiness. Lonliness the most formidable of all foes. Killer of human souls.
Miracles Can Happen
I walk at night, so often
yearning to find a way
to clutch the hand of a helpless soul
and bring them into the day
I want to touch them deeply
Yet I confuse them because I leave
I breathe in sharp and gasp at the sight
of the words in which I read
Who are you? How do you know me?
you seem to see me clear as day
you know who I am, you know what I do
you remember what I say
Instead of turning against me
you took me into your heart
I am The Traveling Woman
my love for you will never depart
If I misinterpreted your verses
forgive me, I am sincere
but I know miracles can happen
for you just wiped away my tears.
-Salamander
Life
You lay in it,
And it stretches you.
The little workers
Turn their wheels,
And when you're sure
You'll break,
They give that extra turn,
Before they let go.
Leaving you
To forget,
So they can do it again.
You look forward
To breaking.
So they can't
Stretch you anymore.
Plea To The Readers
I don't know how to say it. If I say what words I want to use, I'll sound like some moron on a public broadcasting anouncement. And I sure as hell don't want to sound like a teacher or "counselor." But I can't think of any other way. . . SEX. Big issue, you guys. Very big. Let me begin with my shortened story.
Once upon a time, I got horny. So did this other guy. We screwed. I thought the guy was OK. I knew him all my life. I lost my virginity to him. Afterwords, he just ignored me. I was worthless and meaningless to him. I game my childhood to an asshole. I had nightmares for weeks and soon lost all self-esteem. I screwed any guy I was "going-out" with just for the hell of it. Let's ust say i was fucked in the head. I don't think I'll ever fully recover. God knows I'll never regain my virginity.
Here's another little story. Once upon a time, there was a boy who just wanted a fuck. So he screwed & scewed & screwed till ONE day, he WAS screwed. He had AIDS. He began wishing he would have thought with his cranium instead of his other head. And what's worse, he transmitted the disease to all the other girls he fucked after her. Especially his fiance'.
Now class, what have we learned? Nothing!?! Might I bring up another situation. Once upon a time, there was a boy, let's call him ** He screwed his chick. Let's call her ** ** got pregnant.** freaked. ** starved herself for a week, thus causing a miscarriage of her own child. Question: Do you wanna live the rest of your life knowing you killed your own child?
Now, for those virgins out there -- don't be ashamed God -- no, never be ashamed. Keep your pureness, PLEASE. Take the advice of someone who knows. You could A) feel like a whore for a VERY long time B) get STD's, or C) get pregnant and/or abort your own kid. That is, if you decide to fuck. But I like D best. That's chastity. In other words, save yourself the trouble -- Don't pork.
To all those out there who have had sex, this is a plea to you. Listen to me, damnit! Don't laugh. Becuase if you have to raise a kid your sophomore, junior, or senior year, I give you no Goddamn sympathy. I don't need to see girls weep when their guy leaves.
Stop having this sex. So what if it feels good. So what if all the others do it. Do you think I give a shit that 20 year olds do it? At least they do it legally. You think you're all fucking cool 'cause you do what the 20 year olds do. Yeah, you got an STD. You're pretty fucking cool. Congratulations, dad & mom. You get to graduate when your kid is three.
If you are in a situation that you know will get steamy, get the hell outta there. So what if your horny. Masturbate, you're hand can't get you pregnant. Can't make you a dad. Won't kill you. If you're so damn desperate, whack off. It's better then the alternative.
Please -- listen. You have no idea of what I've gone through. No idea of what others go through everyday. You laugh now, but when you cry as hard as I am now, you'll fucking understand.
School
Life is full of surprises. Every day something new is happening to add to your own personal vault of experiences, and I certainly got one hell of a shock in recent days. Now I would consider myself a cynic, but I'm not totally fatalistic concerning the nature of humanity...at least not yet. High school life involves many things for many people; dates, dances, sports, community work, student government, NHS, and a variety of other assorted activities. Do you notice anything missing from this list? LEARNING! It is absolutely incredible to see how people regard this, supposedly the most important and chief function of high school. I can't even begin to relate to you haw many people I know who are involved in so many extracurricular activities that, by their own admission, they don't even have time to read ten pages out of a book at night. Does this seem ridiculous to anyone else? Believe me, I have absolutely nothing against extracurricular activities, as they are good for many things. They develop social skills, character, and leadership, and they are a lot of fun. The problem occurs when overcommitting results in school and learning taking second place. These people are spending so much time on other things that they neglect their schoolwork. Not only does this hurt these particular students, but it also harms the education of others when a compassionate teacher tries to help out by slowing the pace of their classes. From this, the students derive the notion that it is the job of the teachers to plan classroom development around the students' busy schedules. This is absolutely improper. So much focus has shifted to the process of getting people to become more involved and to achieve "well-rounded personalities" that the very core purpose in education is taking the back seat. This results in harm to all sides. The active students don't have enough time for school, and the rest of the students suffer from the slow pace of learning. The teachers make compromises and try to help out, and they are praised for this by the active students; but that praise is quick to turn to scorn when the teacher must speed up to pick up the slack. Nobody seems to understand that you can't have it both ways, that is just not how life works. I leave you with one final question then: How can a school have for one of its main goals the prospect of increasing job-readiness skills amongst its students when it allows this to go on? When the students graduate and have to report for work or college classes, what are they to tell their professors or bosses? "I didn't do my reports because I didn't have time."? I don't think so.
Noodles
It was a dark and stormy night. The old man sat in the center of his living room, listening to the rain and counting macaroni noodles. He had them divided into tidy, little pyramids 17 noodles in a pile. The man knew he was not crazy. It was not as though the macaroni shells were covered in cheese or sauce, nor were they even cooked. Rather they were simply pulled from a Kraft box, and grouped meticulously on the indoor/outdoor carpeting. He chuckled to himself thinking of all the poor fools, who were at this moment, making a mess while attempting to sort overcooked pasta on shag rugs. The 40 watt light bulb glowed beneath the curiously stained lampshade and provided the well furnished room with a cozy glow. It was simply another Saturday night for Arthur, and this weekly ritual was just one of many that filled his days. His waking hours were not spent commuting on the subway, perusing the shopping malls or absorbing the daytime soaps. Instead every day had an order Arthur was never fond of wasting time on common frivolities. He was a survivor always planned for the future. Be prepared. The Boy Scouts had taught him well. His fingers clawed the warped cardboard and much to his dismay he realized that the box was empty. All the little pasta towers sat around him, and he stared at the yellow shells, quite pleased all over. With a few sweeps of his hand he scooped them all up, and deposited them back into their EZ-to-reclose home. "Ah, now that was a nice treat wasn't it fellows? Got to see a bit of the world. . . .back you go into the pantry." Arthur felt that this trip had been successful, the pasta shells hadn't complained once on the journey ( though they rarely did, macaroni being a rather amiable, and shy carbohydrate ). Arthur felt it was important that his food got a chance to gain some perspective on the world. After all, if a brownie doesn't really live life to the fullest it wont taste quite as gourmet. Arthur placed the Kraft box back on the cupboard shelf and slowly, ever so slowly slid out a cup of Ramen noodles. "Shhh", he whispered," Don't let the others hear you. Wouldn't them to panic and worry don't ya know." Arthur was always fearful that the other food would one day figure out why certain packages "never came back" to the shelf. The last thing he needed was a bunch of hysterical rigatoni on his hands. He always felt a pang of guilt when he started to boil the water for his meals, and was concerned that the dinner would think badly of him. He had a prepared little speech that he always gave "his boys" before they went into the pot. "Now fellas, I know its mighty comforting back there in that little bag (or box or packet or whatever the situation may call for) but we all gotta go sometime. Like my Uncle Fred used to say "I'd ruther be tossed into a pot of boiling water then live a little sad life in a bag." (Truth be told, Arthur never had an Uncle Fred, he just thought those words of encouragement would loosen up the noodles a tad.) When the noodles were cooked their best, Arthur set his place at the table and brought the steaming cup in front of him. He stared at the soft defenseless little shells and with a tear in his eye began to eat the best friends he ever had.
-Rachel D.
Me
Charcoal black. Bloated white.
Straining white eyes. Galling black eyes.
The terror.
Scratches on my head.
Fingers in my back.
Heads on my shoulders.
Why did you whisper my name?
I pull.
Into the gray door
Shake hands with you both
Realize I am looking in the rear-view mirror.
Now I see myself with me all the time.
I don't scare myself
When I'm together.
Confessions of a 21st Century Nazi
I look at you and think to myself, "AM I better? Do I have a right to think this?" Is it right for these thoughts to even cross my mind, no it isn't. I no longer have it in my heart to passionately hate. As I watch people go through their enclosed, unenlightened, and pitiful existences, I cannot like them. I cannot watch with disinterest as their minds are flooded and warped by the words of our pop culture society. I will not stand idle as we breed an evergrowing army of the ignorant being led like sheep. Yes, let your shepherd feed you lies, let him, I bet what he says makes you feel warm and cheery inside, let him. If his words were strong, if his words were true, it is apparent know that his words mean nothing to you. His words mean much to me, I
do not follow blindly, but I do believe. I love those who stand beside me be whatever they may, whoever they may, or however they may. I must destroy those institutions which support and entrench ignorance and misunderstanding. I shall destroy through enlightenment, it is the most powerful and only means I or anyone of us has. I label myself a 21st
century Nazi, because what I say is something one would not expect a hateful fascist to say. The point of my writings are to destroy conceptions about people and ideas, and what goes totally against previous conceptions than a Nazi who loves all his fellow humankind. WE must remember, WE are stronger, WE are truer, and WE are better than what we have become.
Science Club to Build Quantum Freshman Accelerator in Parking Lot
Greenfield High's very own Science Club has received a grant from the National Endowment for Wasting Time to build the accelerator. One may remember the fine NEWT people for such educationally productive ideas
such as writing across the curriculum and goal setting. The Science Club plans to use the 15 million dollar fund to build the accelerator in the student parking lot with the finest technology money can buy. When asked about what the entire accelerator complex will consist of, Kipp Bronson, a member, responded, "One big Chevy, one little Freshman, and twenty feet of rope. You do the math." The Science Club hopes to gain deep insights into, and I quote, "Stuff,
very scientific stuff." The Science Club plans to use the rest of the funding to study the effects of mass consumption of alcohol and the implied physics involved in brothels. The Science Club was last seen in a Chevy with a Freshman strapped to the hood screaming, "We're taking this
accelerator to Tijuana!"
Wordage
The sky is black the nite is cold
The grass is dead and the trees are old
one by one and two by two
he tossed them human hearts to chew
A black forest with trees of silver leaves
and a red river of blood filled with all my dreams
A Pizza, A Party, and a Moonlight Ride
Jenny was so happy about the house they had found.
For once in her life 'twas on the right side of town.
She unpacked her things with such great ease.
As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze.
How wonderful it was to have her own room.
School would be starting, she'd have friends over soon.
There'd be sleep-overs, and parties; she was so happy
It's just the way she wanted her life to be.
On the first day of school, everything went great.
She made new friends and even got a date!
She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be,
Because I just got a date with the star of the team!"
To be known in this school you had to have a clout,
And dating this guy would sure help her out.
There was only one problem stopping her fate.
Her parents had said she was too young to date.
"Well, I just won't tell them the entire truth.
They won't know the difference; what's there to lose?"
Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night.
Her parents frowned but said, "All right."
Excited, she got ready for the big event
But as she rushed around like she had no sense,
She began to feel guilty about all the lies,
But what's a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride?
Well the pizza was good, and the party was great,
But the moonlight ride would have to wait.
For Jeff was half drunk by this time.
But he kissed her and said that he was just fine.
Then the room filled with smoke and Jeff took a puff.
Jenny couldn't believe he was smoking that stuff.
Now Jeff was ready to ride to the point
But only after he'd smoked another joint.
They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride,
Not thinking that he was too drunk to drive.
They finally made it to the point at last,
And Jeff started trying to make a pass.
A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all
(and by a pass, I don't mean playing football).
"Perhaps my parents were right....maybe I am too young.
Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb."
With all of her might, she pushed Jeff away:
"Please take me home, I dont want to stay."
Jeff cranked up the engine and floored the gas.
In a matter of seconds they were going too fast.
As Jeff drove on in a fit of wild anger,
Jenny knew that her life was in danger.
She begged and pleaded for him to slow down,
But he just got faster as they neared the town.
"Just let me get home! I'll confess that I lied.
I really went out for a moonlight ride."
Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash.
"Oh God, Please help us! We're going to crash!"
She doesn't remember the force of impact.
Just that everything all of a sudden went black.
She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble,
And heard, "Call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!"
Voices she heard...a few words at best.
But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.
Then wondered to herself if Jeff was all right,
And if the people in the other car were alive.
She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad.
"You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad."
These voices echoed inside her head,
As they gently told her that Jeff was dead.
They said "Jenny, we've done all we can do.
But it looks as if we'll lose you too."
"But the people in the other car!?" Jenny cried.
"We're sorry, Jenny, they also died."
Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me for what I've done
I only wanted to have just one night of fun."
"Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim,
And wish I could return their families to them."
"Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I lied,
And that it's my fault so many have died.
Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me?"
The nurse just stood there ~ she never agreed.
But took Jenny's hand with tears in her eyes
And a few moments later Jenny died.
A man asked the nurse, "Why didn't you do your best
To bid that girl her one last request?"
She looked at the man with eyes oh so sad.
Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad
This story is sad and unpleasant but true,
So young people take heed, it could have been you.
Ask Bondgrrl
Well, school's upon us once again. Hopefully, you're all being nice little girlfriends and boyfriends... or if you're really smart, being single! And my second letter is a good reminder to us all to leave our enemies alone and get some hobbies! Maybe that's a good one for the powers that be to follow as well! Read on so you'll know how to set a good example!
Love,
Bondgrrl
One more fling???
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we get along just great! It's like we're totally perfect for each
other and he's the sweetest as can be. He understands me, is
compassionate, sweet and giving. So what's my problem
right? I'm about to start college with him next fall and will probably move in with him too. And I'm pretty sure, most
likely, we'll get married if I do that. My question is- should I tell him I want to just date for awhile before we get that
serious? Or is that just an excuse? If I do "the dating thing" I risk losing him altogether...and I could be losing the best
thing in my life just cuz I was curious. So Bondgrrl, do I stick with the great guy I have- or venture out and make sure
he is the greatest?
Thanks!
Gbunny,TX
Yes, I once had the same dilemma on my hands.... I was 16 and in love with someone I thought to be worthy of my
company for the rest of my days. But I was young and hadn't dated much before, and thought that I should date a few more people, experience life before making such a serious
commitment. But I really loved this guy and didn't want to hurt him, so I stayed in the relationship. And I resented him
for restricting my freedom, or so I thought. So, finally we broke up so we could date other people. Whenever one of
us did, the other got insanely jealous, and eventually the relationship ended. As you can see, both options have their problems. I'm not saying that what happened to me will necessarily happen to you, but hopefully I've pointed out the possible complications that could arise. You could just stay in the relationship and appreciate what you've got, but no matter how good your relationship is, it will probably be
damaged by the resentment and curiosity you'll feel. Or you could explain to your boyfriend how you feel and hope
he's an understanding fella, and is willing to wait for you. You do run the risk of him getting upset and leaving, or
meeting someone else while you're sampling other flavours.
But maybe he'll come around after giving it some thought and realizing he'd rather have a partner with a few more belt
notches than a restless heart. One more thing to consider: Why do you want to "date around"? Make sure it's because you want to be 100% sure about him, you need to get it out of your system, etc., and your conscience isn't waving a red flag.
Bondgrrl
Some people just can't move on
I believe we have talked before...remember that friendship gone bad. It has more like gone fucked and this chick that I
used to be friends with won't get over it!!! I have mostly, but not entirely and I am working on it. I have heard rumors
that she is constantly making comments about me. Also she created a new email address and identity to email me and
manipulate me. I met one of her friends from another school that I had only heard about and we have become friends.
Now this pyscho knows we have met and we hung out...How she found out I have no idea. All she said was she had her
sources. So far I have pretty much ignored her, but I am just short of going insane and I don't know who to trust
anymore. Help!!!
Karoline
Well, Karoline, I've got some good news and some bad news.
The good news is that there are some things you can do that might cut down on your ex-friend's harassment. Most
email programs have a block feature, which automatically deletes mail from a specified address. If she makes threats, call the cops. You can also give her as little "ammunition" as possible by not responding to her childish actions, not talking to mutual friends if possible, etc. Also keep in mind that unless she's got serious mental problems, eventually she will give up on you. If not, most states have harassment and/or stalking laws. Most people do not want the word "stalker" associated with their names, so maybe even a mention of it could send her off looking for a new hobby. And as I promised, here is the bad news: This will probably not be the last time you will be harassed. It could be another ex-friend, an estranged boyfriend, a coworker, a neighbor. Just try your best to diffuse the situation and come out of it the bigger person.
Bondgrrl
