Issue Fifteen December
1999
Intro
Merry Christmas all! Wait, maybe that doesn't apply to everyone. Ever realize that? Our school revolves around the Roman Catholic calendar. Then, the school changed "Christmas Vacation" into "Winter Vacation." Then "Easter Break" became "Spring Break." Well, etc., etc. We're kind of getting off the point of our introduction here.
The Last will definatley have a snail mail address by the next issue. We are currently low on funds, as you all probably expect from a shoddy underground paper. We actually didn't realize how many submissions come in by mail.
Anyway, enjoy issue 15 and continue to spread the word about this great thing we have here. Everyone can express their thoughts and feelings anonymously, without persecution.
Also, one last foot note. The things that are published in The Last are not necessarily the views of the editors. The editors and publishers accept no responsibilty for articles that appear in The Last that are not written by them. Thank you, and once again, enjoy.
Losers
Damnit, why didn't Greenfield win the Christina Auguilera contest? I was really dissapointed. I know that Franklin got that whole 15 minute concert that Greenfield desperately wanted, but we gave it a good shot. I believe Greenfield was in a 152nd last place tie with Divine Savior Holy Angel, only because their an all girl school and they see enough dim witted blonde bimbos everyday anyway.
To think of all the time those Franklin students wasted on her. According to the main two advisors of the Christina Auguilera Project, the senior class wasted their whole budget, wasted weekends, and had "sleepovers" just to win a 4 song concert that ended up costing $80 per person. That cost included buying 2 million note cards, stamps, and of course the hype that some one hit wonder was actually coming to their high school.
On the other hand, all the guys at Franklin probably enjoyed it because they don't give a damn about her music, just the fact that she dresses like a tramp and they got to stare at her upclose for 15 whole minutes. Then, being the nice person she is, she probably came out after the concert to sign autographs, have pictures taken, and meet all her new fans. After all Christina Auguilera is all about her fans and not about the money she's making from her album that she didn't even write.
Patience
If any one in the world knows more about patience than me, I would be amazed. There are two guys I see on a daily basis, that I know I would be totally compatible with. The only thing is, these two guys have girlfriends. And both of their respective relationships have lasted at least 6 months.
First their is guy number one. He is in two of my classes. He is the most handsome male I probably know. But I just don't like him for his looks. That was just the first thing I noticed. As I got to know him better, he has completely engulfed me. He is everything I look for in the opposite sex. He's funny, outgoing, zany, playful, and smart, although others probably don't recognize him for that. But I don't care because I do. We have fun in class and I enjoy being around him and try to be whenever I can.
The second guy I have known since at least 8th grade. We are really good friends. He is very smart, handsome, and down to earth. Me and him click really good. I've watched him go through three messy relationships though, including the one he's in now. I feel bad for him in a way. He's a very nice respectable guy and hasen't been treated like one. Why do guys always pick the bitchy girls to go out with?
The patience part comes in, where I must wait to see these guys forget about these girls. Then I have more waiting to do, because of that whole rebound thing. I have absolutley no idea the feelings these guys feel towards me, but I hope in some way they feel the same. I hope they see the compatibility I see, but only time will tell. After all, if I've waited this long, what's a little longer? I have a lot of practice with patience.
The good guy always gets the girl?
In my experiences, it has come to be seen that in the movies, the guy who never had a chance gets the girl everyone thought he could never get. A good example of this would be the movie "Can't Hardly Wait." Although you'd never suspect me of liking a movie like that, I'm a sucker for them. I can't help it. It's the way I hope life turns out for me. I'm a guy who's kinda shy and likes girls that others tell me I'll never get. Why can't the ending of the movies be the ending of real life?
I sit on the outside of things. I watch from a distance. Every so often I dare to participate. What I see are smart, attractive girls going out with guys who treat them like crap. I just don't get it. I've had elder and wiser people try and explain this to me. It goes something like girls in high school aren't looking for a nice guy. I've been told nice guys like me will get more girls in college, because by then they'll realize a guy like me is what they want. Someone who respects them and treats them right, but this waiting thing sucks.
All I want is a nice girl to have deep conversations with. I want to call her up at anytime and be like, "Hey let's go somewhere or do something." I want to fall in love. I want to be mezmorized by her and appreciate her. I want to be entangled by her beauty. Eevrytime I see her I want to say to myself, "I am the luckiest guy in the world." It would be so cool to just lie next to her and stare into her eyes. These are the things I want, but are these the things I can have?
Concert
Nothing is better,
Than a yummy punk rock concert.
There is so much violene and laughter.
The taste of blood from your lip,
Or mabe it was the guy you hit.
Make your life a little better...
Go to a punk rock concert !!!!
TRL
Has anyone noticed how little music videos are shown on TRL (or even MTV in general) and how much talking there is? Even if I tried I couldn't make ten music videos last 90 minutes. It would be different if they showed all ten videos and showed them in their entirety. It really pisses me off when I actually decide to sit down and watch this show for the one video I want to see, and they show it for ten seconds. Just so we can all see the world premier of the newest 15 year old blonde ho-bag. Whatever happend to MUSIC television? It's not that I enjoy KISS FM, but I commend them them on their top eight at eight. Eight entire songs in 30 minutes. Obviously its radio, but still I had a point somewhere in there. Oh well, Fuck MTV.
Problems at Prep
Well, there I was, sitting in my Statistics class, when all of a sudden the teacher that teaches this class decided that the class would hold together so much better if I got held after class. Well, I decided to humor this retarded bitch and stayed after class. After everyone had left the class, she tried to get me riled, by expressing her hatred for me in the plainest terms that her crippled mind could muster. She threatened to send me to our great asistant principal. I sat there and listened to her mindless drivel with a smirk on my face. After she had finished, I just got up and walked out without a word to her. I reflected on this incident later with one of my teacher friends. I was astounded when she told me that a teacher could send a student to the office WITHOUT ANY REASON AT ALL! This enraged me beyond any understanding. This is just another piece of evidence that my "Lutheran school" is just attempting to brainwash the lot of us with their morals and belief system, which we have a constitutional right to ignore. But noooo, they have to assheads about everthing! Look for more updates in The Last about my struggle against the system at MARTIN LUTHER HIGH SCHOOL.
Just Looking
Why do I look behind me
and see there is no one there
Why do I look around in my room at night
and see there is no one there
I think there are things surrounding me
and see there is no one there
I look through my closets & bags
and see there is no one there
I turn on all the lights and light candles
and see there is no one there
So I look into the bathroom with great caution...
and see there is no one there
So I run into my house from the outdoors
and see there is no one there
So I drive home really fast because of the things in my car
and see there is no one there
I run up the stairs, because I am afraid of being alone
and see there is no one there
I scream to scare away whatever is near me
and see there is no one there
I close my eyes to block out the horrid things in my mind
and then see...it's all in my head.
The Actuality of Things
What is with the guys at GHS lately? Actually, what is with guys in general? They think that the only women out there are the "beautiful" ones that like to "show their stuff off." Then the other women can only be as good as "just friends." Lately, I've been hearing guys talk about how no one likes them at all, when in actuality they are not seeing how many people like them. The reason they think no one does, is because they are staring at the "show off" girls who go out with popular "preppy" guys of their own style. Then they say that women don't go for sweet guys anymore, so they try to be like the "preppy" guys. Here's a clue for you all, there are many women out there who like sweet guys, you just need to open your eyes. Do that, be yourself, and you will be fine in the world, believe me!
Pie
You know, over the past few years I have dated a few girls, none of which I can say I would marry though. These girls don't know how to sexually satisfy me, nor to they know how to treat men right. The smart girl would bring her man pie at work, but no, do they? Ha, what a joke. My friend and I both agree, that the first girl that brings us pie at work, will be the girl we marry. Think about it really, the girl must want to be with you if she took the time, out of her precious little day to bring you a pie. Of course there is one basic guideline. "She wanted to do it, you didn't hint it or request it." It must be her thoughts only. That's all there is to it really. Nothing more, nothing less. So men across the world, don't you agree?
- Sir Psycho Sexy
The Waiting Game
How come I can’t come to terms with myself talking to girls? I wish I wasn’t shy around them. I’m a nice guy, I don’t consider myself ugly, I’m not dumb, and I think I have a very good sense of humor. But, for all these qualities, I lack a sense of confidence and girls like that, a sense of confidence. It’s only temporarily you see. Once I get out of my hole, I’m fine. It just takes a little time.
There are about five girls I see on a daily basis that I wish I could just say SOMETHING to. I don’t know how to approach them. I share no classes in common with these girls, I just see them in the hallway. I fear rejection. I wish I could just come out and say something and not care what they say in return. I wish I could take no for an answer and not be afraid to hear it. I want so much to just make an effort and not care about the outcome.
Although, I think I make some what of an effort. In fact, I’ve had a date every weekend for about a month now. Unfortunately, the same girl has yet to show up for a second date. I am told that my time will come and love will find me. Love finds you when you least expect it. I’m not necessarily looking for love, but definitely for a female companion that I could enjoy some time with. I hate playing this game. I hate playing the waiting game.
To Eat or Not to Eat
Many of us know that anorexia and bulimia has been an increasing problem for women today in our society. What you may not know is: it has become a major problem among young men and is drastically rising. The thing is, I have found this to be amazingly true. I don’t know how many times throughout the day I hear a male say something along the lines of losing weight. When in actuality they are perfectly fit.
Americans spend 33 billion dollars a year on diets and diet related services, and that doesn’t include plastic surgery or lyposuction.
Where do these diseases begin anyway? With self-esteem issues, from other people, or is it something you are born with? Either way I think media helps it along. Too many things we see in magazines and on our favorite TV shows people all have, what many of us would call, an ideal body. A tiny waist; high, very visible cheekbones; thin arms and legs, I think that is gross! In a few months many of those models and actors will probably start getting very sick (if they already aren’t). You know why? They either skip eating all together or eat then rid their system of all food. This is not healthy and can eventually lead to starvation, and in some cases death.
I would hate to see anybody starve to death.
Back in the 50’s and 60’s women with shapely, round bodies were idolized. The very beautiful Marilyn Monroe wore a size 12. So why do people now think they must wear a tiny size?
Some possible side effects of anorexia are: for women - loss of their monthly menstrual periods, and men - can become impotent, scary!
If you want to help this growing problem,
eat something every day. If you notice a friend not eating, for whatever reason
and you think it may be problematic, have them eat something, and get them help! If you want more information on anorexia and/or bulimia there is a great site on the internet which lists symptoms, to treatments at: http://mentalhelp.net/factsfam/anorexia.htm
Future
High school. We are told that it is there to prepare us for the world, for the future. But for me it seems to fall short. Things that I had planned out are gone. Let me explain that. I had selected courses that interested me and that would be helpful in further education and for the career I am thinking of. Unfortunately for me all of those classes are now cancelled.
First off the desktop publishing course that was offered to us. The tiny bit of a technology education that dangles in front of us only to be yanked away at the last second. Now I understand that we do have a rule, if you will, stating that if a class doesn’t have the minimum of 15 people that it doesn’t have enough interest therefore it will turn out to be a waste of money, so they take it away. That’s all good but this class had 16 people signed up for it. Now as you math majors have already guessed that is more than the required number of people. Yet still they take it away. However there are classes in the school that have less than the 15 yet they aren’t cancelled. Why aren’t these classes also gone? The world may never know.
They bait the hook once again offering a C++ programming class. A step towards the future using a computer for the entire class. There was significant enrollment for that class yet again its cancelled. Again the question is asked. WHY? This time we are told that the teacher doesn’t have the skills to teach the class. Why offer classes with no teacher?
Maybe I am alone in thinking the school hasn’t prepared me, that it hasn’t taught me the skills I wished to take onto college. I doubt I am though. This is the call. Join forces, take action, show them you won’t sit idly by and let them ruin your chance at a descent education.
Censorship- The Last Frontier
When people think of oppression, they think of genocide, or women’s rights, but they never even consider censorship. The dictionary, when looking up oppression, says to see “wrong”, but many people don’t consider amending the first amendment wrong. The main issue I’m focusing on is censorship on the Internet. I’m sure almost all of you have heard of it. However, I’m sure many of you don’t consider it oppression. The fact that you can’t enter 25% of the sites you request to enter doesn’t bother you because you believe that you’re being protected from porn and extreme violence. I’m afraid this just isn’t so.
In a country where we pride ourselves with the fact that we are allowed free speech, our own government is passing bills to require filters on all public computers and to force internet service providers to offer filtering software. The sad thing is, only a few care, and those that do are bombarded by lawsuits thrown at them by filtering companies such as n2h2 (BESS). When a youth speaks out against Internet censorship, they’re not listened to because it’s claimed people at such a young age aren’t able to see the big picture. That person may be incredibly responsible, and have gone through more than most adults ever will, but still, they’re paid no attention. After all, it’s the voice of the majority that counts. Who cares if a web site on the constitution and the first amendment is blocked by a filtering policy that is used in the schools? I do. I may be fourteen, I may be unaware or unable to sympathize with the rest of the worlds problems, but I can’t help but see the problems in front of me rather than those thousands of miles away. I’m not being selfish, only logical.
In the last month or so, there has been an incredible response to the Columbine shootings. “Ban the guns, censor the internet, don’t let your kids wear black, make sure your kids are “normal”, but most of all, don’t allow your children to act older than their age.” I can’t tell you how ridiculous that sounds to me. What people are asking is to change the constitution, to not only throw out the second amendment, but to amend the first. All my life I’ve been told that our government is the best in the world, that it allows us to be who we want to be, and yet all I see are more laws being made to make sure that doesn’t happen. When it comes to the Internet, people claim that they only want to block the “dangerous” sites, but let me tell you this, you can’t take away just a little bit of freedom. Our times are changing, technology is taking us places we never imagined possible, but there are costs to that. Families are becoming more loosely knit, and porn is becoming more easily accessible by people of all ages, but that’s the cost of progress. Buddha said that the biggest mistake a person can make is not finishing something he started. Since we already have the Internet, it’s not right to take part of it away. If you think that’s solely my opinion, you’re dead wrong. In a ruling made by the Supreme Court, it was ruled unconstitutional for a library to provide Internet access and block some sites from view merely because minors might view them. If this ruling applies to libraries, shouldn’t it also apply to schools? After all, we don’t have to have the Internet; it just makes peoples lives a whole lot easier.
But this just isn’t a philosophical battle between free speech and the “safety of the world”. It also has some real problems. Filtering software doesn’t do what it claims and if it says it doesn’t make any mistakes, its lying. There is no such thing as real filtering software, they’re more like blocking software. Let me give you an example. I was going to do my oppression topic on prostitutes, but BESS simply would not even let me search the topic.
When I searched for prostitution on my own home computer, the majority of the pages were not inappropriate, in fact, they were charitable organizations whose purpose was to try to help prostitutes. Another example: I spent two hours on the internet at school, I found ten sites that were blocked and I requested that they be unblocked, a week later, BESS wrote me back saying that they would unblock eight of those sites. That’s 80% of the sites. This brings me to my next argument, most people simply do not know enough about the Internet to make such decisions as would cripple its usefulness. I will admit, accessing porn is incredibly easy when you don’t have a filter on your computer, but when children are in schools with their peers watching their screens, accessing hard-core porn is the last thing they want to do 99% of the time. In fact there was a study made in Utah, which monitored over a year period the percentage of porn sites that were attempted access in schools. The study concluded that only 0.4% of the sites tried to be accessed by the children were porn.
Another misconception about the Internet is that the censorware always works. Not so I found. I decided I’d try to find a site on how to make a bomb, in the school (I
didn’t read it, I just waited until it opened enough that I could tell BESS didn’t have a problem with it), it took me thirty minutes to find a site. You could argue that because I’m smart and I spend a lot of time on the internet I as able to find it so easily, but all I’d have to do is pick up a phone and call someone to tell them how to work around BESS. Now, I would never do this, but I could, and therefore, teachers could view me as a threat to the schools safety. And there is where I draw the line, when intelligent, Internet knowledgeable people are considered a threat, I find a problem in the way people are thinking. If people think they can solve the problem by censoring the Internet, then they’re not thinking properly. They’d have to censor people like me too. Imagine, negatively labeling children because they possess a gift for technology. What a sad, sad world.
But, you may ask, “If you don’t want filtering policies in the schools, libraries, or work spaces, what do you suggest as an alternative method? Surely you don’t want kids to access porn.” Of course not, I suggest a method called the tap on the shoulder method. If a person in the room has a problem with what another person is viewing, all they need do is tell them to get out of it. It’s that simple. Really. It is already at work in many Universities and public libraries.
The problem of the Internet is one that may never be solved. As long as we have a government and live in a society in which we gun down our parents and then blame it on the evils of the internet, or, we correlate the rise in youth crime with the increase in the number of people with Internet access, things will never get better. It’s a downhill war that gets bloodier and bloodier and I plan to devote much of my adult life in fighting it. How, you may ask. Well, there are online organizations you can join, as well as organizations like the ACLU that bring filtering companies to court. People who have fought for the rights that we now have would not give them up as easily as we are now giving up our rights. Maybe that’s what we need, to remember what we have so that we ourselves do not take it away. It seems to me that this country has a problem with anorexia; they’re obsessed with it. If too much of anything is a bad thing, they say, too little of something must be good. This is a way of thinking that will lead this country to collapse, spiritually, socially, economically, and politically. I may never see it, but I promise you it will come, if we do not fix it, it will only get worse.
Near Death
Ever have a near death experience? Well, I have, and it’s astonishing what you think about in the amount of time you’re given to think. It all started Wednesday night after the chorus show. Afterwards, me and a couple of my friends went down to the East Side to hang out. On our way back is where my experience begins. Heading back on the freeway, I was just driving along, just like I always do. The only thing that was different was the fact that the roads were probably a little icy, as I would later find out. As I was just coming out of the downtown, I was talking to my friend in the passenger seat. Then, another one of my friends in the back seat says, “Umm, what’s that?” I look up to see the car in front of me at a dead stop without it’s brake lights on (probably why I didn’t notice it wasn’t moving). There were no cars in front of it, it was just dead in the lane. I quickly braked and as I realized the car wasn’t going to stop in time I thought all of the following things:
1. What about all my friends in my car?
2. What about me?
3. What about the people I’m about to hit?
4. How I am ever going to explain this?
5. This is going to take a lot of money to fix.
But I never once thought I was going to die, but I very well could have. After all these thoughts, and I was coming back into reality, I remember seeing the car I was going to hit moving into the emergency lane just as I was about to hit it. I didn’t stop sliding until about 30 feet past where the car originally was. This made me think about a lot of things. I realized that maybe I shouldn’t take things for granted. Maybe I need to stop speeding everywhere and take things in and appreciate life. I could have seriously messed up my life or someone else’s. And although it is impossible to safeguard everything, it is possible to just act smarter and not act invincible.
Pizza, but yet pie
Pizza. America’s favorite food. Who can’t live without a nice juicy pizza? For example, I myself end up eating about 12 pizza’s a week. I live off the damn things. They may be fattening and all, but hey, I would rather die eating pizza than die eating cabbage. Imagine living in a dome made out of pizza. Wouldn’t that be the life? Remember that Simpson’s episode where Homer is imagining everything is chocolate, then eating it? Well, that’s how my pizza dome thing works. You eat everything in the dome and the dome. Hey, wouldn’t that be nice? But hey, wait a minute. All I want is a piece of pie brought out of the blue by a nice girl to me at work.
~Sir Psycho Sexy
"Quote, Unquote"
"A true friend stabs you in the front."
I'm Cool
Hey there, it’s guess who from Parkside! No, not your mom. It’s Richie!! Just to update you guys on things, because you miss me so much at Greenfield, I am doing good! I aced all my classes like all of you expected me to. Some of you might have caught me at Jamm 4 Hunger where I helped out. The dumb guy, as I am told still doesn’t go to school, but works at UPS. Good job dumb guy. Anyone with extra money laying around, send it here! Bye!
Richie
Stars
Like small stars in a night’s sky,
Something glimmered and caught my eye,
Mysteries locked behind bands of gold,
Tales and legends yet to be told,
Giggles and laughter,
Like that of a bunch of clowns,
Joy and rapture,
No frowns to be found around,
“SKU”,”SKITZO”, Mike and me,
With still funnier places to be,
Taking us all to another realm,
Flying a fading ship with me at the helm,
Me like a storm cloud,
Dimming down their lights,
Their eyes were like fireflies,
Shinning brightly through the night,
Raven-haired beauties,
Noisy like broken glass,
Their eyes twinkling dimly,
Like a shooting star just past,
Their locks were black serpents,
Brushing the smalls of their backs,
Seeing one of them again this week,
Sincerely took me back,
To another place, another time,
Before my train had hopped it’s track,
Before I knew to find the joy,
Contained in a plastic sack,
Early morning sun rising slow,
Next to two girls and no place to go,
What I did might not seem right,
But your stars and mine shine equally bright.
Friends
Each day I wake up and wonder why I have put up with the bullshit in my life. The people, my so called friends. The friends I have that don’t seem to have an ounce of respect for me, the friends that sat in a car and filled it up so there was no more room, so they wouldn’t be cold, while two of their less “cool” friends sat outside in winter, cold and neglected. I can understand their motivation to be warm, but they didn’t even have the decency to roll the window down slightly so they could talk to us. To the reader I’m sure this could sound minor, but I don’t think that anyone could deny the rudeness of it. And to do that to people you care about, what is that saying? It’s saying those people in the car, don’t care about the people freezing outside, as long as they are warm and happy that’s all that matters. There have been more of these instances.
As I sit here and write this, I realize how many people like my so called friends are out there in this world. A lot of people are just so god damned rude. I realized I’ve been living a lie. Everyday I thought I was going out and having fun with my friends, it wasn’t true. It was a lie. Not a one of them really cared if I was really having fun, I’m sure none of them cared if I was even there. God, I was so blind. For years this is what I’ve known as my friends. I’ve realized it has done considerable damage to, not only to myself esteem, but it has effected my image of what friends are supposed to be.
I
actually met a couple of people along the way who really cared about me, but because
I was so stupid and naive, I didn’t know how to act towards people who really
cared about me. It’s not like my parents ever taught me, or my friends helped
it for that matter. So I lost these people I thought cared about me. Now I cared
very much about these people, very much, but like I said before it was my fault
I was to stupid and naive to realize how to show it. Just recently have I found
this out. It was only a few moments ago when I was just pretending to box with
a guy whose main concern is why girls can’t suck cock right. Then he talks about
how girls don’t treat him right. HELLO! Yes, ladies and gentleman of the jury,
he was one of them in the warm car. I would like to take the time now to apologize
to the following people, the people whom really cared about me. So I’m sorry Erik,
Rick, Jerry, and Alex. I know that this is not one of my more entertaining rants,
or well thought out, but just wait till next time
~The Car Burning Hick~
Underestimation
I am not the kind of cocky guy who thinks they know and can do everything. I rarely come up with enough confidence to act confident. A funny thing though happens when I do, people underestimate me. I think of the movie “Pulp Fiction” and the character Butch. Butch was a boxer that everyone thought was washed up. But he ended proving all his critics wrong by actually beating his last opponent so bad, he killed him in the ring. Later on in the movie Butch is quoted as saying, “That’s how you’re going to keep beating ‘em Butch. They keep on underestimating you.”
I can relate to that very much. I feel the same way. For instance, at my dead end job, I asked my boss to learn something new, something not all crew members do. He told me to give him a few weeks to work me into the schedule and that I could start doing my new position. Well, four months went by and still I never got “worked into the schedule.” So I asked again, and he gives me some bullshit story about how lately it’s been difficult, blah blah blah. At that point I didn’t care what he had to say. Although I know he’s a hypocrite because a fellow employee got the position I wanted to and I asked first. I show a little confidence, try and take a step and what happens? I get shot down because he underestimated my ability to do things.
I also get underestimated in school. People who don’t even know who I am think I’m dumb as hell. Now, I’m not being cocky here, because I know I am not the smartest in the school, not even close, but I know what’s going on. I think it was in my sophomore English class where some girl over heard a conversation I was having with another person. It somehow involved G.P.A., etc., and the girl was amazed at what I was telling her. She asked me what my G.P.A. was and when I told her 4.1, her jaw dropped. The first thing she said was yeah right! I was amazed. She thought I was a total dumbass or something. There you go with someone underestimating me again.
Butch and me hold a lot in common. An uphill battle. An uphill battle against people who try and keep us down. But that’s how we have to keep on beating ‘em. We will rise above those who underestimate our abilities, because that is a very dangerous thing to do.
I Understand
As I often do, I reflect on my life when ironic things happen. I was sitting in Physics class first hour this week. It was a quite chaotic time this week ,first hour, with holiday sharing and everything else going on. I believe it was the day every class had to count up everything they had brought in and bring it down to the cafeteria for NHS or Senate to sort out. Well, after we got back to the room Mrs. Carothers told us to talk to our partners about our upcoming project. Since my partner is another hour, I decided to talk to a friend of mine who wasn’t quite feeling well that day. We started to talk about the holidays and how for her, it wasn’t going to be a good one. I asked why and her response is what got me.
She told me that her mom was in jail this Christmas and she really was going to miss her. She also said something to the effect that no one else in the world would know how she felt. It was funny because the second after she said that, I wanted to connect with her. I knew how it felt to be in her shoes. See, my dad died two years ago on December 19, 1997. Christmas was really hard that year. How could it not be?
My dad was so cool, especially around Christmas. He was the kind of person that if something wasn’t done all out, it wouldn’t be done at all. I remember coming home from school and my dad would be blasting Christmas music in the kitchen while he cleaned or wrote up some notes, or was reading the paper. He always had a smile on his face. Then the first thing he would do would try and rub all that holiday spirit onto me. At the time, being at a weird age and all, I probably thought it was annoying as hell, and he probably knew I thought it was annoying as hell. But he also probably did it because he knew I would sit here and be reflecting back on those moments and thanking him that he did them.
I wonder where he is right now? He believed in Heaven, so I hope that’s where he is. If anyone in the world deserved to be there, it’s certainly my dad. Christmas was hard that year and this year will be too. I’m thankful though. Although my dad left me, I got to realize that I have some really important friends that care a lot for me. I also got to realize that family is really important too. Now there is only three of us left so, we have to take care of each other.
"Quote, Unqoute"
Even the happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
-- Carl Gustav Jung
Dreams
I had a dream last night. It was the first one I’ve remembered in a long time. It’s funny because I’ve only remembered two dreams in about a year and both of them deal with my dad. He left us four years ago. I was too young to understand why and I really don’t want to. My dream started out with me, my friend and my dad at home. I thought it was weird that my dad was home because I rarely got to see him anymore. Eventually I remember being in the basement and the door between the laundry room and the room with the TV is was cracked open just a little bit. My sister is now in the picture. I looked through the crack in the door to see my dad brushing his teeth over the sink near the washer where the mirror is. He was wearing a yellow shirt tucked into big baggy pants, but they looked good on him. Somehow, everyone is now in the laundry room and my dad is laying next to the furnace and I am near him and so is my sister. He gets up and comes into the TV room, I think because he realized the ground was dirty. The TV room is dark except for one of the lamps being on. My friend says something to him, but I can’t recall what. My dad now has a green bag on his back that he’s holding with a gold strap. He replies something that I also cannot recall.
My dads hair wasn’t combed like usual. Usually he had it combed back without a part. In my dream, his hair was parted. I remember thinking he looked old too because I could see his bald spot. I also thought it was odd that he was wearing baggy jeans, usually worn by younger people, but like I said, he looked good in them. It’s odd the dreams you have about people you never see anymore. It makes things seem unreal. The mind is a mysterious thing.
Whore - O - Scopes
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
events will take a dangerous turn after its decided at a sci-fi convention that you look a bit like Barbarella.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will feel the need to insure your butt, like Jennifer Lopez because Puff Daddy comes to you in a dream.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
You will be caned by a go master.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Your bowels will be purified by swallowing jade fire.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
You will be sold on e-Bay as refrigerated meat.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You will discover there’s a teacher at Greenfield High School who is a communist, because she has a desk on top of the secret bomb shelter trap door entrance.
Libra ( Sept 23- Nov 21)
You will insist that everybody append “the pooh” at the end of your first name.
Scorpio (Oct 23- Nov 21)
Expect to deal with uncomfortable situations, when you find the fake nose and glasses in your mother’s drawer.
Sagittarius (Nov 22- Dec 21)
Believing you are the new, improved “year 2000 bug” you will attempt to climb inside of a giant vacuum tube.
Capricorn (Dec 22- Jan 19)
While sitting innocently in class you will be showered in formaldehyde.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Your lifelong dream of becoming a dancing snowman will diminish when you realize you melt in the sun.
Pisces (Feb 19 - March 20)
While masturbating in your own feces you realize you are truly fucked in the head.
Liquid Dementia
With special guests:
Jefferson Starship
Yellow Five
Monkey Fish
Saturday, January 8, 2000
6:00 p.m.
Root River Center
7220 W. Rawson Ave.
Be There!! L.D. Kids pay $3!!
YOU CAN'T GET BY WITHOUT A PASS...