Issue Twelve February 1999
The Intro
Well it's been quite a long time since the last issue was published. This was due not only to busy schedules of our writers but also the fact that we don't get enough submissions. To keep this paper going we need your articles. Of course we say this every issue, but its true. We could just do this thing all by ourselves but it's your paper too. You can have a voice. You can stand out from the many others that are too lazy to write for The Last or think that what they write would never get published. We were founded to bring the very ideas you hide to the surface. To become a true voice of the school, be it humerous, apathetic, or even violent, we are proud to portray whatever you are.
Enjoy the issue, and remember, if you find anything below what you feel our standards should be remember that this is not our paper, it's yours. WRITE.
Argh
Well there is always something or someone at school that you want to complain about and today is my day to start. How many times have you tried to get out of the school for whatever reason and been stuck in attendence for half an hour. It never fails. You go in there expecting to be waited upon promptly and they sit on the phone or talk about who did this or that. What the hell do I care about the chick that has missed 12 days of school so she's got a truancy? Why would I give a damn about some guy skipping 3 hours so he has detentions? Exactly I don't and I don't believe anyone else that goes into attendence much does either.
Another thing is waiting your turn in there. Now I'm usually in a hurry to get out of there but I still wait my turn. Since this is something taught to us at a young age I would think everyone could do this. I thought wrong. Every single time I am in there I try to be patient and wait but those ladies don't watch who was next and jump to anyone no matter how long someone may have been waiting. Lately when I go in there it seems the next person they talk to is the last person to come in who comes in complaining and shouting, "what do you want now."
If everyone could just stop doing the stupid things that upset me enough to write this article we could all be merry. Now if we could only get those women to change their attitudes.
Afterthoughts
The Last prides itself on the fact that it is a forum in which anyone and everyone has the right t say anything they wish. I find this to be noble and noteworthy. One problem arises, though. It's a problem that plagues all of humanity- Stupid People.
I am aware that The Last is meant to be funny in some aspects. I also see that there are people who are trying to say something important. As a reader, and ex-writer, I feel something needs to be said.
As I flip through the pages of The Last, I am confronted with numerous "poems" and articles in which the writer feels the need to tell the world how miserable their life is and expects everyone to listen (i.e. "My Life- Please Listen," issue 11). I hate to break it to some of you, but you're not the only ones. Shit happens - to everyone, and I don't need to hear anymore about it. If I did, I would turn on the news. Wallowing in your own self-pity gets old to everyone else real fast. That kind of mental masturbation is immature, selfish, and pathetic. If it's really that much of a problem for you, I suggest getting help, seriously.
Many people also use The Last as a means to publish their complaints. Yes, that is what I'm doing too. How is this different you ask? Well, (1) I know what I'm talking about (2) I'm doing it for a reason, in hopes that something will get accomplished.
I ask you so-called "writers" to grow up, or at least pay attention in English class. To those of you whom are real writers, I urge you to help. Write, write, write. Let's help give The Last a good reputation. If we publish a shitty paper, I say let the school stop it. If we publish something that we know is decent, we have something to fight for, and with.
Trey K.
Gym Class
There needs to be two types of gym classes in this school. One for jocks and other athletic people. That way they can compete and have fun. The other class would be for the people who can't compete at their level. They wouldn't get hurt, or more importantly, they wouldn't be humiliated every day in gym class. This would make gym more fun for both groups and raise the level of niceness in class. Think about it.
Arse Garblin
Acch! Beware the Arse Garblin. For she is evil and will hurt you. She runs around the school causing mischief every where she goes. You know that homework you couldn't find? Well it was the job of the Arse Garblin. She lives in the Auditorium and runs around above the stage. She likes fine malt ale and haggis. Her red beedy eyes stare at you as you walk down the hall. Her pail green skin makes him silent so he can sneak through the all with out anyone knowing. I have seen her only once and she smiled at me. I saw her big yellow teeth and long purple tongue. So beware the Arse Garblin she will hurt you.
ZeroCom
Filth
The filth ridden adventures of the night
are covered up and hidden by the artificial
sunlight of the day
Fake smiles hide the broken teeth
Dressed in Sunday best, your sins are forgiven,
while memories of the past are driven
White gowns and black lace lay trimmed with disgrace
-Dark Ice
Money
Hey all! I need some money for college. The Last is holding a fundraiser. Just send all donations to the address in this issue and label on it ATTN: GO TO COLLEGE. The advantage of this is you won't have to figure out which articles are mine and pass over them, because I won't write any more. Isn't that a nice thought?
Kick it Old School Boys and Girls
I consider myself fortunate that I still have hair on my head, because recent events have left me with the urge to rip all my red hair out at the roots. PLEASE do me a favor, please please please READ THIS . . .
The Brian Setzer Orchestra DID NOT write Jump Jive and Wail, nor did the people in the damn GAP commercial. If you're one of those new alternaswing kids who think that "all that big band music is so hip" TURN OFF BIG BAD VOO DOO DADDY and go get yourself some real swing, go listen to Count Basie, Louis Prima, Glen Miller, Benny Goodman ... turn off the Squirrel Nut Zippers and go pick
up some Billie Holiday PLEASE . . .
Next, know that Fiona Apple DID NOT write Across the Universe. She doesnt have enough brain cells to spell Universe much less be able to understand the meaning of the words Jai Guru Deva. JOHN LENNON WROTE that song, go out and pick up a few Beatles CDs, learn where Oasis got that really neat image . . .
I'm writing under the assumption that most of you know this... and that you're aware of the fact that the original Norman Bates was NOT Vince Vaughn . . .all I ask is that you be aware, give credit where credit is due, dont get caught up in all the flavor of the month trendy shit that is constantly shoved down your throat. Branch out . . .or at least SHUT THE HELL UP, because you're pissing me off with your vast lack of knowlege. You may now return to your regularly scheduled trendiness.
Death
Death begins to grow in my lungs,
and like a parasite, attaches itself to my breath
Sweat, tainted with blood, seeps out of my pores
If I close my eyes I can see everything
A molten mind and a frozen heart
(Tears bleed from my eyes)
-Dark Ice
A Thought
The first time I ever heard about The Last, it was something very mysterious to me. It was this paper that people were getting in trouble for. People were getting expelled, suspended, and it intrigued me. It made me wonder what a couple students could write about that would get anyone so mad as to go as far as expulsion. Then finally, I got my hand on one.
It was the summer after The Last first started. My friend (who shall go nameless) got a copy and it was this underground kind of thing. It was something I could get in trouble for. It was something that the principal and administration didn't like. I borrowed it from her, and read it when I got home.
It was Issue Three that I first got to read. I just missed Issue Two where a student wrote a story about "hacking" the school computers. In the same issue, another student wrote about a certain teacher that he didn't like. These were the kind of things I looked for when reading Issue Three, but those were the things that I didn't get. Instead, in my opinion, I got some crap. I didn't really enjoy the issue. And I think that most people that read The Last for the first time don't think it's very good either. Yet, something kept making me seek out the newest issues.
Today, as I write this article, I'm glad I gave this paper another chance. I didn't realize its power at first. This paper is what you and I make it. I understand that some people don't dig the paper, and that's ok, no one is forcing them to read it. To those sitting back and saying, "It could be a little better," submit your ideas and stories to The Last to make it what you want. And to those who love the paper, we thank you for your support. This paper gives everyone in the school a voice, which is something very important to have.
Holiday Sharing
On behalf on the National Honor Society, I would to thank all of the people that helped with the Holiday Sharing effort. The Jamm 4 Hunger was a big success and was fun. All those donations in your first hour are going to make a lot of people this holiday season. Thanks for giving a lot for people who have a little.
Dear God,
I pray today because I want you to understand my ways. I don't know why I
do what I do but maybe you could help me understand why I'm so blue. I wake up
in the morning feeling so down and low. the day goes by so very slow. I don't
know what to do so I just go home and smoke a bowl. I cut my wrist open but
feel no pain. I take overdoses but don't care that I'm in vain. If people
knew me for me and not for what they believe I might feel like a more wholesome
human being. Feelings go through my body I can't explain, thoughts go through
my head that are hard to maintain. Starving myself makes me feel more in
control. It would be very unreal if I was actually full. No one knows whats
going on in my head. Not even me because I feel almost dead. Nobody knows
what I'm thinking or what I will do. But I will always be here no matter what
is really true.
- Krying
If Life
If life is a song
Sweetness is found
If Life is a rose
Blood is around
If life is a thought
Love can be true
If life is love
Than I have life for you.
Stop Bitching
My life sucks
Let's not talk about this again
It's falling apart
Shut up
No one loves me
If you keep it up, I'm kicking the
ship out of you
I wanna kill myself
Here's my switchblade. Don't get too
messy.
I really don't like my parents
I really don't like you
I wish I could fall asleep and
never wake up
I can arrange that
I am so pathetic
Might you be seeing the light?
I hate myself
Are you done yet?
Watch my tears fall
Watch me care
My boyfriend broke up
with me
That's nice
I'm gonna slit my wrists
My knife is here at your convenience
I hate all of this
You know your whining is really annoying
I can't stop crying
Sure you can. Just kill yourself and get
it over with. That's what you want, right?
What?
Are you listening to me now?
I don't want to
OK. Nevermind. Crawl back in your little
hole. Stop bitching to me though, cause
I don't give a damn.
I suck
You're absolutely correct.
I hate myself
Suck me
I hate this world
If you wanna bitch, do it
outside of The Last
I wanna bleed
Wait for your rag
I hate life
I love you
You don't understand me at all
I try not to
Why are you so cruel?
Because I want to
I hate life
Keep your pathetic, whiny ass out of
my entertainment. I want to read something
funny. Unlike you, I want to laugh. Some
of us don't want to live in depression-dom.
I have a life, so shut up, grow up, and until
then, stay out of The Last.
Stuck
I'm stuck in my body,
I'm trapped, I'm trapped,
I'm about to explode,
Help me get through this,
Help me get out,
I can't stand this life,
I want to get out,
People don't understand my situation,
People don't see,
I understand my misery,
I cover it up with my skin,
But thats hard for me,
Help me get through this,
Help me get out,
I can't stand this life,
I want to get out.
-Krying
A Matter of Perspective
Ever since I decided to write this article, I had been thinking about the
best way to open it. It is very difficult now, to write something from a
frame of reference outside the one to which I had become so acclimated.
You see, I have moved on to the world of so-called "higher learning",
although I confess I am having my own doubts as to how those qualifiers
apply to my particular first experiences in college education. Still, a
little optimism is called for in my situation, even for a hard-core cynic
such as myself. Perhaps that is one of the wiser things that I have
picked up in recent experience. On the other hand, maybe I've just grown
tired of all the dashed expectations of what the next level in my life
would bring, and delude myself into believing that it will get more
interesting--who knows? As an alumni and former member of the staff of
"The Last", I am very pleased to hear from those who now hold the reins of
this most excellent publication that the paper is doing quite well this
year. Well, well, enough of the nostalgic sentiments -- I'm not quite
that deluded (yet), and I do have a point to make with this article. I
was sitting in one of my classes the other day, and the professor was
going over an example. As he had many times before, the professor asked
for a show of hands from those who could offer a solution to the problem.
I sat back and observed, as I am usually content to do in that class.
Three or four people raised their hands, and this prompted the professor
to take a step back from the lecture material. He began to digress into
his views on class participation, having been dissapointed by the feeble
effort that the class had made. He said "In an academic setting, never be
content to simply take someone at their word, for it is not enough that
you take for granted what they say is the truth, you must feel and
understand the concept in order for it to hold real truth to you." This
statement brought me out of my haze of observation, and I began to think
about the meaning of his words. Indeed, I came to realize that I myself
had been taking him for granted simply because I found the particular
subject of that day easy to grasp. This is a trap which we must never
allow ourselves to fall into. The professor also went on to say that the
art of debate is one of the most valuable methods a person can use to
search for the truth in
a matter. I found this statement striking as
well. The fundamental purpose of all science is the search for truth.
Scientists and Philosophers have battled for years over questions of
religion and metaphysics, yet their often opposing views are simply one
person's interpretation of the search for truth which drives humanity to
learn and explore. Nearly all of the progress made in human history has
arisen out of the discovery of some new truth which expanded, if even in a
small way, the ways and boundaries in which we thought. Without the
ability to hold and defend an opinion, no matter how alien this opinion
may seem to others, the search for truth is irrevocably damaged. It is
for this reason that freedom of speech must be cherished. It is the
single most important basic right given to the citizens of this country,
for without it, our perceptions of truth would be limited to merely what
others had decided most proper. We must take great care not to simply
take this right for granted, but to use it wisely and advance the search
for truth on any level possible. This paper presents you, the readers,
with a chance to freely express your thoughts and opinions. I implore
you, make use of it. Every day it seems, I read of another paper like
this one which has gone defunct because of pressure from a
hyper-conservative administration, or a lack of interest by potential
readers. Do not pass up the chance to use a tool such as this simply
because you are accustomed to living and even thinking within the
boundaries set by someone else. I realize that not everyone feels
comfortable writing things, and I am by no means attempting to command
you to do so. Writing is simply the most effective way for me to express
my opinions and exercise my right to freedom of speech. If you also enjoy
writing, please consider submitting something to this paper. If not,
please think about what I have said here, and remember to appreciate the
freedom you have, not letting anyone place a barrier on your search for
truth, no matter which way you choose to find it.
School Prompt
A couple weeks ago, during 3rd hour, everyone took part in a school wide writing prompt. Now don't automatically assume I am out to comlplain about this because I'm not.
I am writing this to prove a point. The school now requires that each student write a prompt in every class each semester. Although some teachers like the idea, others don't. And I usually don't like the prompts that teachers give us, although I do support the idea to develop student writing skills.
But the school wide prompt, I think, was a really good one. The prompt was to write about something that has affected you. Now a lot of kids blew off this prompt. I on the other hand wrote about something very personal to me. In fact, it was the first time I wrote about it ever.
What I'm trying to get at here, is that the school is trying to improve student writing. They require it now because they want approval from some group to get more funding for the school. Now think about this. If the school wants to improve student writing, how come they don't support a paper written for the students, by the students? I would really like to hear from Mr. Burns, Mr. Vlaj, Dr. Kafka, or any member of the Greenfield School District Administration, on why if they want to improve school writing, they won't let students write for a newspaper where they can excercise the very skills the administration claims to condone.
Imaginary Love
Oh this, imaginary love of mine
I can call upon you, at anytime
When I need warmth
A soft gentle smile
Sometimes a tender caress
I can feel you now
Oh my darling, hold me closely
I fight the battle of loneliness
It engulfs me completely
Not knowing where to turn
Advise me of what is to come
You will be there for me
I know of this
Calling upon you at anytime
Loving arms outstretched
Beckoning for me to come inside
I crawl within these loving arms
Wrap them round me tightly
For I don't want to feel
These emotions which bring so many tears
They fall gently upon my cheek
Brush them away tenderly
A hand so strong, yet soothing
Take away this pain I feel so deep inside
Comfort be mine now
As I lay in the arms, of my imaginary love
To Stream or not to Stream
By: Brea McCallum
The grade eights of the Thames Valley District School Board have to choose the courses that they want to take for their first year of high school which is destreaming. My opinion is that they should stream the first year of high school. Since I an in grade nine at Glencoe District High School (GDHS) I have experienced and benefited, as I'm sure all have, from a streamed grade nine. It gives first time high schoolers a chance to meet other teens from different schools who are in their same classes, it gives the chance to explore the school and most of all streaming gives you the chance to try out all the classes the school has to offer. My younger sister, being the unlucky one, is in grade eight. She has already had someone come into her class to talk about the courses and what to choose. And I thought I was not ready to choose my courses for next year she has to choose, in less than a month, the courses that she wants to take without even knowing all GDHS has to offer. Now she will be in a new school and she will not know anything or even whether or not she will have any of her friends in her classes. Everyone is saying this is not fair what they are doing to the school system, what's your opinion?
Pom Pom or Pom Pon
I just don't understand Greenfield High School for many reasons. One reason is how the so called "cool people" act as morons. And the number one thing that I don't understand about this place is "Pom Pom or Pom Pon"? I swear that GHS is the only school in the nation that has a "Pom Pon" squad. If you look up Pom Pon in the dictionary it would redirect you to the definition Pom Pom: an ornamental ball or tuft used especially on clothing, caps, or costumes -OR- tell you that it is a chrysanthemum or dahlia with a small rounded flower head. Are we waving flowers now? Why don't we just call them the "Pompe Squad"? Pomp is french for "tuft of ribbons". That would be the closest name we got. Or we can be even more specific in renaming them the "Dance Squad" that wants to take over the cheerleading aspects of GHS, takes up the viewing time of the spectators and can't spell Florida." My personal name for them is Leerleaders. They don't cheer the team or pep up the school spirit, they want you to look at them and only them. That's why they have the halftime slot. For all of these Pom Pon people out there, I am not sorry for your ordeal with your name. I am glad the yearbook and other publications have made your name the "Pom Squad". They know and so does the rest of the country that flowers are not being waved around, Pom Poms are.
Svenja
Jock Education
This month the National Science Foundation for the Study of Jocks has given GHS a 5 million dollar donation. This money will go to the study of jocks and the effect of education on them. GHS was picked from 5,000 high schools a cross the nation. The NSF studied our Jocks and found that they are the most needy of the donation. The money will be split up for different uses. 2 million will go to drugs and alcohol. Why? Well in former studies Jocks actually turn some what smarter when weed and beer are mixed. Also everyone knows Jocks like beer. The other 3 million will go to making a super Jock, it will have 5 percent brain power. That is 4 percent more than any regular Jock. So help support your Jocks and give donations, God knows the need it.
The Unknown Cartman
School Uniforms
One of the main interests of schools today is school uniforms. They direct more
attention, they could still have individuality, and would cut down on the
number of gangs.
I think wearing uniforms would direct more attention to the teachers instead of
talking and playing around. Some people wear odd-looking clothing that could
distract attention. If we had uniforms, test scores would go higher and there
would be more class participation instead of talking about clothing.
Many students are worried about loss of individuality if they wear uniforms.
There are a lot of things you can do to show your individuality.
You can do different things with your hair, wear different jewelry and
different shoes.
The final reason is that uniforms would cut down on school violence. They would
make everyone somewhat equal. There would be no fights over name-brand clothing
or being poor because everyone would be wearing the same thing.
Many school administrators are trying to figure out whether to go with uniforms
or not. I believe that if uniforms would calm people down, then we should wear
uniforms.
-- Kelly, 13, Virginia
Used to Be
I am not myself, inside I bleed
I look for my reflection in dirty mirrors,
but only see a thousand dead smiles that used to be
Used to be something that I loved
Empty arms that once could love, hold, and cherish
are now barren and thinning
Shriveled and wrinkled fingers remember times when
they touched your face with gentleness
and ran through your soft hair
My body crumbles and falls weak to it's knees
I close my eyes to wait for it to stop
-Dark Ice
Work
I really despise my job. I hate the stupid dyke bitch. "I only watch boxing for the woman events." "I hate men," says dyke. "You see that stuff on the floor, its called dirt. You mop it up it up, and you have to put a little elbow grease into it...." "Um hello! You have to redo this spot there's dirt there!" Me, "uhggg" (in my head I think.) YOU STUPID EVIL DYKE BITCH!!! I'M STILL A TRAINEE THIS IS ONLY MY SECOND TIME MOPPING, I ONLY HAD THREE HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT, IT'S AFTER 11:00PM. I'V BEEN WORKING FOR FIVE AND A HALF HOURS AND STILL KNOW I HAVE AN HOUR TO GO TILL I GET OFF WORK. I KNOW IT'S MY JOB I HAVE TO DO IT AND I WILL! All I'm asking is for her to be a tad bit friendlier. You should see the amount of floor there is to sweep and mop. Now for a normal person, of a normal height, they would think it's a lot, but have no problem doing it. But for me, it's a never-ending stretch of dirty tile. I'm very short. I'm not weak, but it's just a little bit more work for me than for the average person. WORST of all, I have to clean the bathrooms then go back to making food. Now that is just disgusting.
First off, I don't get paid enough to clean toilets, second, right after that I go and make food again. I think I know what the customers are thinking when they see me walk out of the bathroom with a toilet brush and all, then two minuits later they see me behind the board making their food yummy! Of corse washing our hands is a common ritual at my place of work but the thought that there was human feces and piss particals on our hands just minuits before.
The part of my job I fear the most is taking the garbage outside. I always think there's a man out there waiting with a knife who's going to kill and rape me. I'm abnormally paranoid ....Then there's the basement. It's just not right.. theres something down there I can feel it. I don't even like to be down there even when there's people with me.
The cashiers have an easier job then us food makers. The food makers have to do all the work. Sure the cashiers have to deal with all the idiot custermers, while us food makers get to sit in the back, make food, laugh, and make fun of idiot customers, but otherwise they have no other larborful dutys. The foodmakers have to clean the toilets, sweep, mop, cook and clean the nasty grill. The hardest thing's cashiers' have to do is dishes and they might break a nail. That's nothing compaired to the dutys of the
foodmakers. There was a cashier who told me how to mop and so on why doesn't the dumb bitch go and do it her self! Damn I hate people.
Then as I'm working I get deep into thought I start thinking this is probaly what I'm going to have to do for the rest of my life. I'm going to be a laborer just like my daddy and uncles and grandfather. I dont necessarly mean to work at the place of work that I am currently employed, hell no, but larboring work is what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. I can see my self being a millworker 10 years from now, and for the rest of my life.
Another thing is the damn customers, they just keep comming in. It's 10:30 pm and were going to be closing pretty damn soon and these fuck heads have to come in and eat there and make a mess. They sit there take there damn time watching me sweep or mop the other closed sections. Now if these people hade any consideration they would see that we were getting ready to close and they would get their shit to go. Because when people come into eat, it's just more mess I have to clean up and the longer it take me to get out of there. Then there is the god damned retarded people who see that the sign is off (becasue were closed), but yet still come up to the door and ask through the glass if were still open! There has got to be something out there that's better for my taste.
Now a friend of mine, who works at a differnt location of the franchise, told me me something very interessting. I found out from my friend that a his job he didnt have to mop or clean the bathrooms. The managers do all that. That bastard! here I am working my ass off doing things that I wouldnt even have to do if I had choose to work at his location. The funny thing is his location is closer to my house then the one I work at...........damnit what the hell is wronge with me Im sitting here complaining. My friends not a bastard it was just lack of knowledge on my part. If I would have know that there was no mopping or bathroom cleaning I would have applied there in the first place. I suppose there is a way out of this. Im going to get a transfer if I can. Yes and then I can be happy and away from the horrid unfriendly dike.
~The Car Burning Hick~
Happy Birthday
Hey, sorry about not getting a DUMB GUY article in the last THE LAST but I didn't have time to make a completely hilarious article. I would just like to gave a late birthday shout to the dumb guy. He has successfully reached the pinnacle of his high school carreer: a fifth year senior at 19 years old! Way to go, I can't even pull that feat off. I salute you dumb guy for being a dumb guy. Sorry about the constant repition in this article but it was funny. Here's a little song you can sing to dumb guy:
Happy Birthday to you,
Your 19 years old,
You can't graduate,
GOOD JOB!
Hey dumb guy, this is all in fun, alright. Don't get angry.
Clowns
They're out to get me
Here they come
I hear them cackle
Where do I run
For they are coming rapidly
To carry out their evil deed
They're out to get me
They won't leave me alone
Somebody help me
Their painted faces chill me to the bone
What do I do
They just won't let me be
They invade my sleep
and are still there, when I wake
And now they are in my TV
Where am I safe
or will I never be able
to close my eyes again in fear that they will come
Spanky Smurf
My Melody
A deep lucent blue,
A sumptuous ambient glow.
She draws me, draws my eyes.
I see the depth of ocean blue peering into her smooth skin,
I think of her when I wake,
and when I'm about to sleep.
I would die without her..... touch,
her soothing weep.. How could I vent without her?
She means everything to me.
When I touch her cold hardened figure,
I do feel her pressed against my worn fingertips,
I feel her enter my soul.
She speaks my mind, yet she is just an object,
I know that, void and lifeless in solitude.
I give her my life and my times.
When I am without her, I am not alone.
She repeats herself in my mind,
whenever I desire.
I'm thinking of ways to feel her....
She vibrates beautiful rhythmic tones,
6 hearts combined and arranged for beauty.
if I could only live without her,
She speaks my soul.
Out?
I can't get you off my mind,
As if I'd want to.
If love really is blind,
It's only protecting me from your beauty.
Why elephants are always happy
Dreaming
Cold and damp
The dreamers' dreams
Luck and Magik
Destroy us all
Blue, black, purple, and white
Dynamic picture, seen in fright
A little moisture, a sobbing rain
All to-gether, wash the pain
A lover's look, into me eyes,
Cold dark stare
Reveal the lies.
To cry out would be absurd,
For once these lips,
I love you's heard.
Don't dream anymore,
My little girl,
Love is pink and fluffy.
Daria Ophelia Amos
Would He
Would he love me if I didnt tell my feelings true,
Would he love me like he loves you,
Would he hold me close and rock me at night,
Would he help me when Im kicking through the night,
Would he hold my hand and comfort me,
Or would he set me free,
Would he hold me and let me cry,
Would he help me learn to fly,
Would he wipe away my tears,
Would he take away my fear,
Would he love me with all his heart,
Would he promise not to part,
Or would he leave me with a tear in hand,
Would he leave me not able to stand.
~ Myra Ellen
Whore-O-Scopes
Aries (March 21 - April 19)- Your failing attempt of suicide by listening to Hanson for 24 hours will cause you to kill the family pets
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)- Having smoked your weight in weed, you will try to fly, causing you ro fall out of a 10 story window.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)- Grave misfortune will come to you be colored shrooms and rabid dogs.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)- After having sex with your mate. They will tell you they are a homosexual alien from the planet Zeca and wants you as their sex slave.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)- During oe of your drinking adventures you wil be apporoached by an old man wanting to show you something special.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)- An erotic dream involving Buffy the Vampire Slayer will end up in tragedy as you wake up finding you've staked your self in the groin.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)- Don't bother studying for that test you'll just fail anyway, instead enjoy the evening listening to the music of Yanni.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)- Take heed in the shape of your cat's hairballs
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)- Obey your thirst and drink from the toilet
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)- This week you will discover that your misiing money as actually used to support your chihuahua's Gordita habit.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)- After losing your job, you will have to become an assistant crack whore
Pisces (Feb 19 - March 20)- Beware of people wantingto roll you in batter and cover you with tartar sauce.
Begin Transmission:
Boh-bay doo-ay loo-loo toh-loo wah! Kah toh-loo may-tay. O-too-mah e-day doo-ay wah! Kah toh-loo moh-lah wah! Koo-doh a-tay a-loh ay-ay lee-koo. Wee-tee u-nye doo-moh.
Dah-bay ah -may noo-loo e-day? Way-loo boo koh-koh! Nah-bah
doo-ay noh-lah oh-too-mah. Rule mee-mee e-day e-tah!!!
:End Transmission