Cow Tipping
Spring has returned and the cow-tipping craze has begun. It's a fact that in the warm, breezy spring, cows graze in their fields of luscious grass, and as people pass by, the urge comes to just push them. HARD. Until their heavy bodies join the grass, which will soon be shoved in their ears by forceful hands, and clothepins are used to close off their bursting utters. The farmer runs out, waving his arms and a shotgun, while the culprit runs away, screaming, "Leave me alone!! It's not my fault my grandmama wanted a picture!!" The next day, while the helpless cow is still recuperating, the culprit comes back to stick carrots up the cow's nose. The world-wide spread of cow-tipping is becomeing more evident each and every year, along with the increase in the number of cows dying from depression each year, but that's a small price to pay for the fun brought to humans! Rock on my fellow cow-tippers! -MOOOOOOOOO-
Attention Ladies!!
I have always wondered why you as a sex in general are so . . . unexplainable. I'm aware that there are exceptions to every rule and I'm sure there are many to one such as this, yet this is how i perceive the sex as a whole.
Ladies, most of all I feel that you all need to take a bit more pride in yourselves. Be proud of the way you look. If you don't think there's a reason to be proud, find yourself an honest respected male friend of yours and ask him if there's somthing to be proud of. From my experience, I've found good looking girls who are down on themselves about wide hips, big breasts, large legs, height etc. etc. Don't be--you're right for your build and who gives a damn what socitey says you should look like. Screw society!
Don't be worried about men either. We as a sex are also quite confusing. We are jerks and we are sweet guys. A lot of things cause guys to do a lot of things. I think if hormones could be more easily controlled, the world would be a hell of a better place!
My dog staring at me while sitting on the bed
He looks at at me.
Analyzing...Expecting...Knowing.
Scratches.
Looks again.
More human than i.
Sees more than i.
More it than i.
but the same amount
The Intro
Being the first issue, I suppose it would be a good idea to express our purpose, intentions, and policies:
Free Speech
People say it a lot. It's become the most idealistic concept in our society. Beaten down wherever it exists, it is rare, if not nonexistant. It is one of the many examples of well-intentioned concepts that were meant to be institutions, but were perverted and eventually destroyed by our politically correct society. On that note, here is what we mean by free:
*Unadulterated*
No censorship is impossible to achieve and wouldn't make for a very good paper, so we'll settle for minimum censorship. We will accept anything as long as it has some point or at least some interesting quality. If it's more than a trail of "Fuck, Shit, Asshole, Bitch!" We'll print it. That brings us to our next definition of free.
*Open to Everyone*
This is one of the few ideals that can actually be made a reality. We will accept almost (as i said earlier) anything from anybody. Articles, stories, poetry, angst, drawings, cartoons, handprints, whatever: We'll take it. We welcome, and need your contributions. Because this is the first issue, it's not very involved. We're looking for as many writers as we can find, not to mention illustrators of which we have none. Some ideas for the future are movie reviews, classifieds (you're free to send em in, we'll post em), regular columns, cartoons, and articles about the school. This is a paper for everyone. You own it as much as I do or anybody does. You can submit your contributions through our e-mail address (thelast@weasel.owl.de) or via the "magic" locker. We will pick some empty locker or something where you can drop off your stuff and we'll collect it on a regular basis. Of course, the administration may be a problem so you'll have to find out the locker # from somebody who might know somebody who might know somebody...who might know something. Speaking of lockers....
Mindful Meanderings
Occasionally, when the world isn't trying to kick the shit out of me, I sit and think about things. Many things. Today I sit and revel at the stupidity of man. Why were creatures such as us even allowed to walk upon this earth. We don't deserve a planet of our own. We just trash it and beat it until soon it will no longer be able to support it. That's stupidity, It's just like suicide. And who's big idea was it to evolve a brain. Sure a brain's fine and dandy for pre-calc but why do we use it to make weapons to kill eachother over a piece of land, or trading rights or worst of all money. Fuck Money! Money is nothing. Life existed happily well before money, yet the endless pursuit of a majority of people's lives is to simply obtain more of it. Which they do in vain for money deosn't bring true friendship or spiritual fullfillings - just more stuff. I wish a life void of money was obtainable. Unfortunately it's not, as long as there are people trying to get more of it, a life of simplicity is impossible. Why can't we all just see we're tearing ourselves apart over trifles. Things we as a society are afraid to disown.
The Dentist
Numb
He started slowly -
moving his fingers in and out just
Testing
With pressure -
Pushing, poking; penetrating my cavity.
Startling
My hole widens as he plunges deeper -
Prodding his instrument piercing my roots
Uncontrollable
I feel my body shake -
carefully, clutching my hand he continued until
Finally
Liquids Flow -
Sucktion is necessary
Numb
*Free Distribution*
It is our hope that anybody who desires to read The Last can get a copy of it. Again, the administration may hamper this so on D-day, we'll pick the "magic" lockers where it can be found. And, yes, again you'll have to find somebody who...you know. Also, we will be posting all of the issues on our webpage. we will put out new issues as soon as we have enough material to publish them. Distribution is going to be one of our biggest problems so we'd appreciate any suggestions of different ways to distribute it anonymously. While I'm in the Mr. Anonymous mood...
*Free from the chains of Identity*
In our silly society, there exists the most useless element created by man. It's kind of a combination of pride, embarrassment, and other futile things I can't figure out. Whatever it is, it prevents people from expressing their ideas. Anonymity defeats this. And, The Last is as anonymous as you want it to be. You're free to sign your work as much as you like, but I wouldn't recommend it. Another silly thing that forces us to be anonymous is called the admistration. I don't think they're going to take too kindly to this publication. I'm not sure how harsh they're going to be yet, but I don't want to find out on a personal level. So...
*Free from Punishment*
I despise the idea of being punished for what I, or anyone else thinks and writes. Safety from this will be another of our major concerns. It's going to be up to everybody to take care of this. If everyone denies everything, it should be perfectly safe. In fact, anybody should be able to posess and openly carry copies as long as they don't tell where they got it from, and who told them where to get it. lie. Say you found it on the floor, or someone shoved it in your locker, or some kid who you don't remember gave it to you. Also, don't make it obvious which locker is "magic". Don't go standing around it or opening it in front of people. Be smart. This paper is everybody's but it also is everybody's responsibility. When you find out which is the "magic" locker, you should spread it to others. But, only spread it to other people who you know won't blab to stupid people who might not be inconspicious. If a stupid person wants a copy, he deserves to get one, but that doesn't mean he has to know the magic number. Take a few copies out of the locker to distribute so you don't have to give out the number too much. Well, I'll get off my soapbox now. I hope you enjoy this first issue. Write something and submit it. It's only through everyone's contributions that this paper will be successful.
Commentary
What I don't understand is why we let ourselves as a student body be abused by the administration and faculty. I don't mean abused in a pysical or mental way, but abuse in the selling away of our future. they allow our school to crumble and wither into decay through the misuse of funds. and, when funds do become available for school improvements they are spent on superficial and aesthetic "improvements." I do not care if pictures may not be in the nicest places, or awards cases are not where some wish they should be. I care about our track that is falling to pieces, and the trash that litters our hallways.
Who is to blame for the ineffectual usees of these funds? Is it the unwillingness of the taxpayers to open their wallets, possibly, maybe partly. Is it the teachers wanting and demanding of a higher wage, possibly. Not to cheapen the good work that they do, but someone should explain to them they only work nine months out of the year. Is it our fault, yes. It is completely our fault. We lay there like a cheap bitch, doing nothing. Our inability to stand up for ourselves is our greatest fault. If we were to honestly and passionately stand up for our rights there would be nothing and no one to stop us. Any way you do the math there are more of us than there are of them.
Am I encouraging a violent evolution or dictatorial overthrow. No, but I do encourage forms of civil disobedience. Such as our lovely little publication. Do we plan to end all the injustices levied against us with our paper, no. But we hope to ruffle a few feathers and jump-start some to action.
This is a title
Have you ever wondered at the reasoning of many people who persist in taking something which can be potentially used for good and practical purposes, and perverting it into a sad and twisted version of what was originally intended? I am speaking of certain school functions and activities which seem to exist only to serve the robust egos of the elitist fools who support them. Take as an example the existence and purpose of the National Honor Society. I concede that it accomplishes many good things as an organization, with it’s community service and other such projects, but many of its members are stuck-up snobs who believe that membership into this or any other school activity gives them the supreme right to look down their noses at fellow students who are able to find activities which better serve their purposes. Ordinarily, one would be able to overlook this as a manifestation of the unintelligent, however, it is unfair that students who choose not to join are penalized in that it serves as a black mark on their transcripts when they do not join things like this. This also applies to those who meet the entrance requirements, but are still rejected, and those who are rejected for trivial reasons such as not having enough “school activities” or not being a well rounded person. In my opinion, they should not be hindered simply because they made a choice which does not conform to the standards of their peers. As for those who are rejected, it is my opinion that the administrators do not have the right to judge a person’s character development especially when they have little or no close contact with those whom they are judging. The mistake that these people make is that they only see one side of an individual, they do not see them except at school. Take a shy person, for example. Perhaps they do not wish to join school activities. Is their fault that they are shy around others? No, of course not. In familiar surroundings, a person who seems shy at school may very well be an active and friendly person. It is this side of people that the administrators don’t see, and it is quite unfair for them to make judgments based on the school environment alone. Those who are rejected for any reason other than not meeting the academic requirements are thereby cheated by this type of arrogant and presumptuous thinking which seems to be able to make valid assumptions about people’s character based on exposure to them only one or two hours a day for only nine months out of the year. Admission into an academic society should be based on academics alone, and nothing else. If these people wish to make character judgments, they should do so through the use of close friends and family of the applicants, the only people qualified to make judgments of this type. Another organization, perhaps worse, is the Student Senate. What a useless waste! These people go to meetings and supposedly discuss things that are for the good of the school. I do not claim to know what goes on in these meetings, as I am not a member, however, it cannot be very productive, as very little good ever seems to come from it. It only serves as a ticket out of class for those who wish to join, and again, not joining it will hinder those who are just as well qualified. Don’t get misinterpret me here it is not wrong to join these organizations If I say that it is wrong, that makes me just as foolish as they are. No, it is a choice, and that is fine with me. I am simply commenting on the unfairness of the selection process and the unfair, albeit unintended, hindering of non-members. If the administration wants things like these to serve a purpose, they should seriously consider rethinking the selection process and/or criteria. As for how the effects of not joining affect college applications, it is the fault of the admissions officers who do not see these memberships as choices. I believe that the method of admission to many of these organizations should be redrawn so as all people who meet the academic requirements can gain admission. I also believe that It should be further redone so that the fact of membership is not so played up as to make non-members look bad. I do believe that those who are able to gain admission should be recognized for their talents, however, they should not do so at the expense of their peers.