EXIT MUSIC (FOR YOUR LIFE)

Well hello again faithful readers. Because this issue is the first of 1999 (and was meant to be the last of '98 -lazy bastards) I'm gonna hit you with my favourite records of the year list. I've also got some bollocks I wrote about several concerts from the past few months, as well as a semi-related, sort of completely unrelated sweet sidebar type article. Well, here's my best of the year list. Just so you know for some artists I counted the overall work put out this year, so because Plastikman put out two great records within months of each other I counted them together. Also, with the case of Plastikman, "Consumed" was his third record, but he states that "Artifakts" was in a way supposed to be his third record as well. I did count Eps(hell, Plone is only three tracks but is still one of the best listens of the year) but not Compilations or DJ mixes. So sue me. I stand by my decision.

The Crème de la Crème of 1998

1. Air - Moon Safari

2. Fatboy Slim - You've Come a Long Way, Baby

3. Plone - Plone EP

4. Massive Attack - Mezzanine

5. Wagon Christ - Tally Ho!

6. Plastikman - Consumed/Artifakts

7. Unkle - Psyence Fiction

8. Rob Zombie - Hellbilly Deluxe

9. Beck - Mutations

10.Plaid - Not for Threes

I've heard a shit load of stuff this year but not absolutely everything so realize this list isn't quite perfect. Also there are a couple of records I've just started listening to recently so I'm not sure yet whether they'd make the list(ex. Amon Tobin's "Permutation"). I can't be bothered to explain my choices other than to say my list had a lot more thinking put into it than most others you will read(i.e. I didn't just slap Lauryn Hill on it because it seems to be the thing to do). Shit, well that's it for me for another issue. No, wait. It's not often that I have an opportunity to speak to so many people at one time, so if you'll bare with me, I'd like to speak my mind on a couple of things. First of all, the United States was wrong to bomb Arabia. We should be their friends and we're only destroying really good stuff like genies and flying carpets. Also, China should get out of Israel. The Jewish people need their freedom. Also, despite what people tell you, you really can get AIDS from sitting on a toilet. Thanks for taking the time to listen.

Air - Oct 20th 1998 (Lee's Palace)

with - April March

Not only did Air have the best record of the year, but their concert was best of the year as well. My sexy partner (whom I’ll refer to as AL) and I jetted off downtown to Lee's Palace to see the French band Air. Before the show, we sexy boys(see article, “The Guide to Being a Sexy Boy) checked out the talent but the only ladies that met our standards seemed to have their sights set on scoring with the band that night. April March performed first. I explained to AL that she was what the French refer to as a "Chanteuse." Now I know this will sound like absolute bollocks but: I've never had the pleasure of seeing Kraftwerk or the Beatles live, but if those two bands were merged as one, they might just be Air. They came on stage to the sound of deep analogue synth bass and various spacey "dwiddle dwiddle" noises in true space rock fashion. The whole presentation and style was in a strange way reminiscent of nine inch nails. They did almost all the material off Moon Safari, and a lot of Premier Symptomes. If I remember correctly, there were three extra musicians to help fill out the sound (Air is two French guys). The sound was so great, (which had a lot to do with the venue I've been told), and for such a cool, easy listening sort of music, it's amazing how deaf I was after the show. At one point they went from a new tune (which sounded neat) into "Sexy boy" into a cover of "Tomorrow Never Knows" without breaking, which was just so fucking wicked. Whenever they'd talk to the crowd they'd do it through the vocoders so they were all "Thank you very much. we are happy to be here."(Imagine all roboty, space machine voicy thingy). That was really cool. I wish I had one of those things. I’d just walk around with it all the time and talk through it all the time.

Example:

McDonald's Person: "So you wanted nine McNuggets?"

Me(with Vocoder): "Yes. With BBQ sauce."

Just imagine the vocoder voice in your head.

Air did a great encore too. Overall, the Air show (what a cheap pun) was one of the most enjoyable experiences I've had in a long time. After the show AL and I cruised around the city listening to Stardust, true sexy boys indeed.

Korn - Nov 2nd 1998 (Arrow Hall)

with: Orgy and Incubus

I had to keep a low profile at this gig due to my slamming of Orgy last issue. I knew those cats were gonna be gunning for me. I arrived towards the end of their set so I can't really properly trash their performance, but I did get to see their cover of New Order's "Blue Monday" which is a ball muncher. I had thought that my clever arrival time would have allowed me to miss both Orgy and Incubus but it was not to be, I had to watch both. The start of the show had been held up, according to what I overheard some kids saying, by Korn picking chicks from the crowd to dance in a big cage on stage. Yes it's true, Korn have turned into Motley Crue. The crowd was full of dumb kids and white trash shits. And they were ugly too, an ugly, ugly crowd. Korn had completely swiped all the hot chicks from the crowd so any kids hoping to cop a feel in the pit had to make do with a fucking sloppy dirty. A lot of the girls looked like they had loved Spice Girls up until a few months ago, and the boys were reformed wiggers. I really hate fuckin' newbie Korn fans. Korn just didn't seem to have the energy that night, and weren't all that dynamic live. They did have speakers up to the rafters though, pure Crue styles. The best shit was when they hit on the old stuff, 'cause they weren't that great at playing some of the new tunes. Orgy were unable to find me luckily. Some might suggest it was because they don't know what I Iook like or who I even am, but I digress.

Rob Zombie - Nov 3rd 1998 (Arrow Hall)

with: Monster Magnet and Fear Factory

I must admit we arrived late and missed Fear Factory and Monster Magnet's set, but thank Satan I was in time for Rob. This might have been the greatest metal show I have ever seen and that's saying a lot. As they open with "Superbeast" the back curtain dropped revealing a massive stage set. The set sort of a little Castle Greyskull, a little Thunderdome. It had giant screens(with monster move stuff rolling the whole time), balconies, big skull faces, and pyro! Oh the pyro! Some much fucking pyro! Rob had that robot thing from the "Dragula" video dance on stage with him. He had the robot drummers from the video as well. He had go-go dancers, and guys in devil suits. Perhaps one of the greatest moments in my life occurred when a large spooky organ was rolled out on stage for "Return of the Phantom Stranger." Smoke came out of the top of it while a mysterious creep in a big top hat and cape played it. They played a lot of old Zombie material, doing all the hits and more. Rob, being his funny self, asked for requests suggesting Matchbox 20 or Barenaked Ladies, to which we metalheads booed and laughed. Matchbox 20 indeed! Ha!(Imagine laughter like Thor) During "Children of the Grave" Satan actually walked across the stage with two mighty hands held aloft in devil signs. I'm not joking, this actually fucking happened. The only sucky thing was the sound quality. Man, Arrow Hall really fucking sucks.

Deftones - Nov 25th 1998 (Arrow Hall)

with: Quicksand and Snapcase

Here was another show at the venue that is about as good as rat up the ass, Arrow Hall. In terms of the openers, I missed Snapcase so I can't say much about them. Quicksand seemed pretty rusty, and Shiv said they sounded like Lee Aaron (go figure). Luckily though Deftones did not disappoint and my hero Chino Moreno was in top form. The trend of "nu metal" giving respect to eighties synth pop continued as Deftones came on stage to a Depeche Mode song (me thinks it was Little 15). They opened with "be quiet and drive" and soon followed it up with "my own summer," getting the new hits out of the way. The material that really worked best was the "Adrenaline" stuff. Stuff like "One Weak" and "Nosebleed" were tremendous. As for Chino, well my man poured his fucking heart out. He even dove off the top of the amps into the crowd. Then some stupid girls tried to take his shirt off and almost took his head off in the process (after the show I fantasized about fending off those Harpies and saving Chino from their hideous clutches. "Back, back!" I'd say, "Don't you harm one hair on his precious head!"). So when he got back on stage he gave a big speech about having a good time and how you shouldn't try to hurt people or take their shit 'cause he wouldn't take our shit. Right on Chino. Anyway, the new track they played was terrific, Chino was all wailing and crying. It was very emotional, it got to me man. Oh, and they did "Teething" which was good. It's just too bad they didn't keep that 80s vibe going and do their cover of "Please, Please, Please, Let me get what I want." Oh well.