HTP - Volume 4, Issue 1 - September
/ October 1998
Ask Woodlands Alumni
Got Questions about University? We've Got Answers.
Dear Woodlands Alumni,
My friends say Frosh week in University is really crazy? Is that true?
- Curious in Grade 12
 Christine
Shalaby, 1998 valedictorian, studying Arts & Science at McMaster, answers:
Dear Curious,
The engineers pulled a parked bus around campus, and we paraded around
suburban Hamilton in our pajamas randomly kissing whoever was sitting
on the curb. It was a good frosh, I think.
Dear Woodlands Alumni,
With rising tuition fees, I think I’m going to have trouble paying
for my education. How can I get student loan?
- Worried in OAC
 Joe Vu,
studying Science at McMaster, answers:
Dear Worried,
So yeah its 12:30 and I just came back from our local bar called the
downstairs john. It sucked because I couldn't drink, I'm on massive
medication for about 2 and a half weeks now. I'm so sick it isn't funny.
Dear Woodlands Alumni,
My dream all my life has been to go to Queen’s for Marine Biology.
But my boyfriend says he wants to go to Waterloo for Engineering. I
want to follow my dream but I’m worried about our relationship. What
should I do?
- Torn in OAC
 Ian
Ferguson, studying Journalism at Ryerson, answers:
Dear Torn,
Ok. We had this lame scavenger hunt, and on the list was “get an Engineer’s
helmet”. So I am sitting in the bar, and Shoe says to me, “let’s steal
one while an engineer is taking a piss.” I’m scared because all the
engineers here are 240 pounds, and they have this crazy, pathetic pride.
One guy was wearing chains around his waist, with “666 BEASTMASTER”
written across his back, and “LOVE ME” written on his ass. So I agree
to grab the helmet off the head of an engineer while he is taking a
piss, and dash out the door while he is zipping himself up. Shoe says
he will run block. So I grab it and head out the door, but the guy wasn’t
stopped by Shoe, so he put me in a beery headlock and made me give it
back. He asked twice, even though he had it in his hands. He was really
drunk. I hope to God he put his love muscle away before he put me in
that headlock.
Dear Woodlands Alumni,
I’m trying really hard in all my OACs, but my marks still aren’t that
great. I’m starting to think I might not be able to cut it in University.
What should I do?
- Struggling in Calculus
 Mike
Jones, studying Engineering at Queen’s University, answers:
Dear Struggling,
Here’s the story. After the 1 hour bus ride, we arrive at some farmer’s
field somewhere. We all get out (about 600 of us) and jump into this
waist-deep pit of cold and dirty water. In the middle of the pit is
a 45' metal football pole which was stolen from U of T in 1955. The
pole is coated with a 3 or 4 inch thick layer of lanolin (an industrial
strength lubricant) it's yellow, it's nasty, throw out any clothes it
touches. At the top of the pole is a tam with a red pom-pom on it. So
our job is to climb up and get it. To do so, some guys get up on top
of other people's shoulders. We got a fifth layer in 30 mins and we
were a foot away from the tam when lightning struck. SHIT!! After an
hour they let the upperclassmen into the pit to help. The thing is they're
all drunk and do nothing but shove people around. After 2 hours and
a broken collar bone, we got the tam that was nailed on with 6 large
nails through bottle caps. Then they play ‘Intergalactic’ and we all
mosh like crazy.
Dear Woodlands Alumni,
I’m in OAC this year, and I don’t know what I want to do. My parents
want me to do Computer Science, but I don’t know if that’s what I want
to do. How can I decide?
- Troubled at Home
 Ray
Kwong, studying Engineering Science at the University of Toronto answers:
Dear Troubled,
... oh my god... it was soo good... cuz everyone knows that an engineer's
hardhat is worth a 2-4 (beer) in an [art student’s] hands... So they
were trying to steal them and shit... once an artsie takes one... The
engineer would yell "Hardhat" and like fucking a hundred engineers would
chase them and eventually tackle them and shit... damn.... it's crazy...
oh my... it was great... Damn... then the Artsies had like their ConHall
Frosh bit... a few of them manage to get a hardhat and then are using
it as a trophy or something right... oh my god... so what do we do?
The engineers just break out the CATAPULTS... oh my god... I'm like...
"god damn... that's wicked"… and the artsie have like water bombs like
showering down on them... damn... engineers are soooooo wicked.... that's
all I know... and the catapults shoot like fucking a mile.... oh my
god…
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