I Want More

I am sick of high school life. I’m almost finished, so the journey will not be a long one, but in the meantime, I’m tired of the menial everyday activities which I force myself to participate in. Seriously, all people do at this school is smoke, envy those who smoke, or object to the people who smoke. Existence in this place is nowhere to be seen. There are no popular kids, no football stars, just 1647 average to below-average semi-conscious masses who walk the halls for the purpose of walking the halls, and sit in the cafeteria because there is nothing else to do. Have you ever looked at people when the cafeteria is closed? They’re completely lost. Most just walk around until class begins, where they most likely sit for seventy-five minutes, and repeat the process. At the end of the day, they go home, watch television, and possibly do something extra to break up the monotony of everyday life, but for the most part, they do not.

I suppose a lot of people believe they do more because they are involved in extra-curricular activities or clubs, but those are all staff-run, and usually, if not always, take place on school grounds. These are just an extension of school and what it offers students. We don’t actually do anything around here, we just participate in all the games, jump through the hoops, and receive our pats on the head with big, dumb grins on our faces. I’m not saying that anybody is conspiring to “keep us down”, on the contrary, teachers provide us with these distractions because we are easily amused, and that clubs and games are much better outlets for energy than having 1647 kids rush to the guidance office every day to ponder existence. I used to think that I was above this process. For the first three years of school, I didn’t participate in anything school-related. I didn’t like the school, I didn’t like being inside it, I was basically there for the utilitarian purpose of socializing and getting an education. As time passed, I tried to make a difference. We didn’t like the school newspaper, so we started our own. We fought the school newspaper, and kids got excited about something for a change. Who was writing this? Does the administration know? Are they going to get expelled? For a while, it was really fun on that level. It was like the European underground during World War 2, we would pop up every once and awhile and spray-paint a huge “V” on the wall of drudgery. In retrospect, all we did was take the focus off of school-run games, and put it on ourselves, or more accurately, an unknown. The students finally liked something, they just didn’t know what it was. As time passes, this newspaper hasn’t really changed, but the writers have. I started out thinking that we were a lean, mean, anti-establishment machine, but if they objected to it, they could have gotten to us long ago. All the teachers know who we are, and most students have a vague idea. We might as well be staff-sponsored.

In the very first issue of HTP, I smugly remarked that “if I wanted to join a snotty clique, I’d run for executive council.” Well, here I am. I sit on my couches all day, and reminisce about the good ol’ days, where swearing meant revolutionary, and everybody else was evil and complacent. Ideals have changed now, however. Change is not as swift as I would like it to be (it never is), and people are still abusing their power. I try to do things, but time always seems to run out, or something more important comes up. All of the foundations are still in place, and the conventions continue to run their course. Everybody walks with their head down, trying desperately not to get noticed. And so goes high school.