Ban the Young People’s Press.

For those of you Woodlands students out there who read the newspaper, (the sports section doesn’t count- there’s no content in a box-score) you may have noticed a new section in the Toronto Star. It’s new, it’s hip, and dare I say it, it’s “extreme!” It’s called “Young Street”, and it’s basic purpose is to snag that teen demographic early. The articles are geared towards teenagers(skateboarding, body piercing), and for the most part, it is interesting, and a refreshing change every once a week. So what’s the problem? The Young People’s Press. A group of motivated, stand-up-straight, go-getters who have their hands on the pulse of the today’s youth. Or so they would have us believe. In actuality, this is a bunch of ass-kissing, over-achievers who listen to their parents and stay home on Saturdays to do homework. If you have not been subjected to their butchery of the field of journalism, I’ll give you a sneak-peak of their last botched autopsy:

Referring to a “Buy Milk” campaign at a local school:

“In what can only be described as a scene from 1984, the contest co-ordinators even took to the morning announcements to promote this consumption binge.”

First of all, if I hear one more 1984 reference in a young writer’s article, I’m going to go room 101-style on them. Yes, it’s a poignant book with a lot of good points, but everybody has read it, and we all know what Orwell was trying to communicate. I don’t need some Ryerson lickspittle to tell me the subtle nuances of a totalitarian story. Orwell wrote it so any idiot could understand it, so there is no revelation in making the connection. Second, as usual, the reference is misguided. Advertising a product promotion on the announcements is not evil, it’s promotion. They weren’t saying “Buy Milk, Hate Goldstein!”, they just think you need more calcium, and that they will make money if you get it from them.

The conclusion of an article on race relations, where the author recalled a beating some guy layed on him:

“As I put pen to paper, I am still confused and still trying to put things into perspective. What did I do wrong? My only crime was that I was brown.”

That’s the most laboured ending I have ever had the misfortune of reading. Did he ever think that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time? No, it must have been racist, because the guy who beat me up was a different race than I was. That kind of blatant sob-story journalism harkens back to the days of Woodchips, before it became Place Title Here, and decided to say nothing, rather than something stupid.

What is my point in all this bashing? My point is that those two articles won a YPP writing contest. Both articles are straight out of a grade nine English journal entry, and both are just regurgitations of popular themes that adults like to hear teenagers talk about.

It’s not only sad that these were featured in a respectable newspaper like the Toronto Star, but that they somehow won a nation-wide contest. I’d also like to point out that one of the judges of the contest was MuchMusic VJ Avi Lewis, the same guy who, when he received a fax on “Too Much for Much” which called him a fascist, he responded by saying, “Okay, I’m a fascist.” Which he followed up by crumpling up the fax and throwing it on the floor. This guy makes Steve Anthony look articulate.

I therefore plead with the youth of today to stop the YPP trend of crappy, predictable, formatted journalism. It seems that the big problem with teenage writers is that they think that they’re professional reporters. Don’t worry about what adults think. You’re in high school, so write about what you want to write about, and get your own style. Style will come in University, so for now, just be a prime example of why adults think kids should be seen and not heard. On the other extreme, there is also the group of writers who believe that controversy has a format, as well. I realize that back in the day, I swore many times in my rants, and I made many, many references to fascists and nazis, but that was two years ago, and I’d like to think I’ve matured since then. I don’t want to sound like an elitist, but I’ve noticed a lot of potential HTP writers who still live on the concept that the principal is trying to screw us all, and that he’s some kind of tyrant. Let me put an end to this line of articles: It’s been done, and poorly, at that. It was a misguided, angry idea to begin with, and it’s been polarized to the extent that I wish we never brought it up in the first place.

In summation, get your own style, write about something original, and never use the buzz-words “Big Brother”, “Fascist”, or “Independent Thought Alarm”. Like I said, it’s been done a million times before, and poorly, at that.