A Political Roundtable in The Pit

With the conclusion of the recent federal elections in our nation, we took it upon it ourselves to gauge the school opinion on the results, and subsequently, its effect. And where is a better place to start then “The Pit”, where people will say what they want to say when they want to say it! We sent a brave young reporter with high aspirations and nice pink lungs into the heart of flavour country, to learn what the state of the nation really is. For the sake of anonymity, anyone who used a fake name will be called as such, others are simply referred to in order of appearance. It should also be noted that the interviews were edited for length and unnecessary profanity, although much of that remains intact anyway.

HTP: What’s your name?
Flubar: Flubar.
HTP: What grade are you in?
Flubar: Uh, that one over there.
HTP: Grade, you idiot.
Flubar: two plus four.
HTP: Arrrgh. (aside;) He’s in grade eleven.
Flubar: I failed math.
HTP: Alright. What I need to know is your opinion on the federal election, and how you think it will effect your future.
Flubar: Well, I think it was really uncalled for at this time, because it was obvious that the Liberals were going to win. I mean, sure, the other leaders had some good points and stuff, but everyone was going to vote Liberal…look at the last election, everybody didn’t know who to vote for, so they voted Liberal just for the sake of it. I feel that Preston Manning should have won, just because he’s like the Ross Perot of Canada…I mean, come on! It’s Preston Manning!
HTP: Has anyone ever told you that you’re an idiot before?
Flubar: Uh, not that I can recall, but I think the implications were there.

HTP: (same question about the election to start off, each paragraph will do this)
Pit Girl #1: I think it’s shit. I think we need to get the Natural Law party in there, and fuckin’ let us do what we want to do.
Flubar: Hi… my name is… John Doe Smith… Hey! Give me back my hair tie!
Flubar (after about five minutes of yelling and running about): Here, let me see this thing.
HTP: No.
Flubar: Just…let me…Ahhh! Don’t touch me there! Rape! (It should be pointed out that our man in the field did not touch him there.)

HTP: What’s your name?
Pit Girl #2: Flubar.
HTP: That’s been done.
Pit Girl #2: Oh. Flubar the Second.

HTP: Hey, what’s your name?
Chico: Chico.
HTP: (intro question)
Pit Guy #1: I don’t know. I don’t care.
HTP: You don’t know anything?
Pit Guy #1: Nope, sorry.
Chico: Jean Chretien is a dick-smack!
Flubar: Hey! Jean Chretien’s a champ!
Pit Guy #1: No he’s not! Don’t knock Chretien.
Chico: No, no, I’m calling him “The Champ”
Flubar: I think the Rhinoceros party should win!
Pit Guy #1: My brother wanted to vote for Reform, just because they’re racists, you know, but that’s the only reason they lost.

HTP: Hey, do you guys know anything about the federal election?
Pit Guy #2: I think it’s pure bullshit.
HTP: Why?
Pit Guy #2: Because I didn’t win.
(everybody laughs for awhile)
Pit Guy #2: First off, there was no one trying to legalize marijuana. They would have swept the thing. There was no one trying to put alcohol in convenience stores. There was no one switching the G1 back to the 365 rule, hence, I didn’t vote.
HTP: Are you 18?
Pit Guy #2: No, I’m 19.
HTP: How will this effect your future?
Pit Guy #2: How will this effect my future? It’ll screw it up big time. I can’t smoke pot on the streets, I can’t drink alcohol…(long pause)…on the streets, I can’t, you know, DRIVE until I get my G1, which is never.

HTP: (intro question)

Pit Guy #3: I think it sucked. HTP: Why?
Pit Guy #3: Because no one was really doing anything that was in my interests.
HTP: Such as?
Pit Guy #3: Such as, the young generation of Canada. What they were talking about was all bullshit, just fudging everyone else.
HTP: How do you think this will effect your future?
Pit Guy #3: (after a slight pause)Um, smoke prices might go up. For now, I missed the election by eight months. If it was in November, no problem, but as for now…

HTP: Hey! What do you think about the election?
Pit Guy #4: I don’t care.
HTP: Don’t care?
Some far off voice: What’s this for?
HTP: It’s for Here Title Place.
Pit Guy #4: Here Title Place? Okay, let me redo it then.
Far off voice, again: Forget about it, just go.
Pit Guy #4: Uh, I think the Conservatives should have taken it, because I’m more right-wing, and I support most of their views.

HTP: What about you?
Pit Guy #5: As a voter, I’d like to say that Reform did really good, although they got about as many votes as last time. I think that as soon as they control the Ontario vote, Preston Manning should be Prime Minister.
Far off voice: I meant Conservative.
HTP: Nobody cares.
Pit Guy #5: As I was saying, until then the Liberals are going to rule, because, why change something that isn’t good but isn’t bad either.

HTP (to a passerby): Hey, federal election…what did you think?
Pit Guy #6: I don’t know. When was it?
Far off voice: Like, Monday.
Pit Guy #6: Oh…I gotta get a drink. (scampers off)

HTP (to another passerby): Hey, what did you think about the election?
Pit Girl #3: I think it is great. I voted Liberal, and if anybody has a problem with that…
Far off voice: Boo. I do.
Pit Girl #3:…come see me, ‘cause I’ll kick your ass.