HTP EXCLUSIVE!

Colin Riddel

This year’s valedictorian is Colin Riddel. As you may be aware, there was some concern as to whether or not students were made sufficiently aware that the election was taking place, and whether or not the nominees should have been formally introduced to the graduating class, in order to ensure a fair vote, “rather than simply voting for [one’s] closest aquaintance”. After a brief ruckus concerning his election, things seem to have died down and Colin took a time-out to chat with HTP.

HTP: How does it feel to be valedictorian?

COLIN RIDDEL: It feels really good to know that general students can overcome, uh, the things that keeps us general students down. I have overcome and won for all general students.

HTP: What qualities do you think a valedictorian should have?

CR: A valedictorian must have a head, a body, legs and arms are optional . That’s all you need.

HTP: Do you think that your victory kind of proves that most people see everything to do with our school as a big joke?

CR: I do. I think it’s a joke.

HTP: What about the SAC elections?

CR: SAC elections? I liked it, it was pretty fun.

HTP: Have you encountered any negative response to your victory?

CR: I think that there was a petition going around, but I think that sort of stopped, because I schooled their ass. That’s the bottom line because Stone Colin said so. You can quote me on that.

HTP: So why do you think people were protesting your victory?

CR: I heard that there was a field trip or something, a some people didn’t get a chance to vote, but even if there was a revote, I would still school their ass, because I got 90% of the vote.

HTP: That’s pretty good.

CR: This sandwich is pretty good. (Takes bite of sandwich)

HTP: Say if you were, like, Mitesh, would you feel cheated by the whole process?

CR: No, I’d say “God, Colin schooled my ass!”

HTP: What do you have planned for your speech?

CR: I intend to blow the roof off the joint. With my speech that is. Not with pot. I don’t smoke pot.

HTP: Do you plan to base your valedictorian speech on any past valedictorian s’ speeches?

CR: The growth of the watermelon has declined since 1988.

HTP: Do you see yourself as a role model for students?

CR: Yes. I am the master.

HTP: Have you spoken to any of the unsuccessful candidates for valedictorian?

CR: Yes, I have. And I would just like to note that only one of them congratulated me. That was Inga. Apparently all of the others were putting together some kind of petition, that had absolutely nothing.

HTP: I heard that they apologised about the petition?

CR: Yes. Jonathan Rovira, he apologised and he shook my hand.

HTP: Why do you think they would change their minds so quickly, and give up the petition?

CR: Apparently, the petition didn’t work.

HTP: …because nobody signed it?

CR: I don’t think so, and even if they had, Mr. Pirk didn’t care.

HTP: What did you think of the last issues of Here Title Place?

CR: Very good, very good. Nice paper, I like the paper, it was..

HTP: Very glossy?

CR: Yes glossy.

HTP: What is your bed like?

CR: My bed is a waterbed, queen sized. It’s very good, very comfy.

HTP: Do you think waterbeds are good?

CR: Yes. There has been some emphasis put on the fact that they hurt your back, by I have no problems with that.

HTP: So is this, like, a long term thing?

CR: Yep. Waterbed is a keeper.

HTP: So you’re not worried about the damage to your back?

CR: See, I’m a ninja, so my back gets damaged quite a bit, being a ninja and all.

HTP: Which would you rather build, a snowman or a sand castle?

CR: A snowman.

HTP: Why?

CR: Because I can practise my ninja moves on it.

HTP: What are your plans for the future?

CR: I am going to be famous.

HTP: How do you plan to achieve that?

CR: I am going to be the greatest writer of the 21st century, either that or work in a shoe horn factory.

HTP: Do you have any one thing that you would like to say to the student body?

CR: Don’t do pot.

HTP: That’s good advice. Do you think that marijuana should be legalised?

CR: If it brings me money, whatever.