Against the Norm
Further ruckus from the cheap seats.

Submitted for Volume 1, Issue 2

For those of you who do not belong to the executive council or the high clique of Woodlands (wait....that's the same thing), I'd like to inform you of some of the recent back-door shenanigans being reeled off in Ramland by the headgoat himself, along with some of his minions on the fascist order of "representatives" that run amok in sealed-off rooms around the school. 

First off, I have been informed by a member of the principal's advisory committee, that there is a plan in the works for MONTHLY REPORT CARDS.  I have no problem with this. After all, the student population has always consisted of three-year olds who lie to their parents.  I, for one, am sickened by the lack of respect for the student body, and the feeling that the senior staff at Woodlands must go over our heads to tell our mommies on us is purely juvenile.  If there is a problem with my grades, I'd like to know about it, instead of being kept in the dark until the axe drops at the end of the month. 

Next I'd like to address milk month.  According to an inside report that I have heard first hand, when this promotion started, a big box o' goodies was given to the people in charge(of milk month), including Mr. Pirk. The box was then rummaged through, and when the dust settled, all that was left was some "stale candy" to be passed off as prizes for looking like a fool on stage every lunch. 

Also, it has come to my attention via a conversation between teachers. which I heard firsthand, that Mr. Pirk has a plan to introduce some form of Chinese to the school curriculum.  As you may know, there are several dialects within the genre of Chinese, but the administration has been considering one in particular, because (direct quote, here, not my words.) "They have the most money". Isn't it interesting that the Woodlands is so concerned with money?  You'd think that we were loaded.  After all, the administration just splurged for four brand-new Ping-Pong tables.  Oh...wait, we paid for those!  And thank god, too, because my education has been helped tremendously since those were installed.  Never mind that in half my classes I share text books with 90 other students, and that I have to shell out at least $30.00 every semester for workbooks.  Considering I have little or no interest in Ping-Pong, I don't see the logic in this decision.  The school isn't even making any money back for this.  At least charge for "table time" or something.  And it isn't hard to see that only a small percentage of the student body plays.  You can't even try out the game unless you buy a paddle and ball.  But that's Pirkonomics for ya. 

From the belly of the beast and the liver of the Ram, this has been a public service announcement, and thank-you.